It is all an act, there is no sincerity in this world. There is no truly genuine feelings of goodness and hope, of compassion and empathy, it is all an act. Most people are psychopaths who have fooled themselves into believing that they care about anything other than themselves. This is the truth. I am not excluded in this assessment. But I can say, that I have made an effort and have never been met even half way to my goal by anyone. We are all machines trying continue our genes, that's it. I hope the world changes, but it is unlikely to happen, people have the capability of creating their own realities and most of them are happy in their own world.

to be honest...I know this sounds immature in a sense since I'm almost 19, but I've been planning to run away from home for a while. I just don't have anyone I can trust or fall back on. I wouldn't be at UMD if my parents hadn't hidden my liberal arts college acceptances. I lost my jobs because of their manipulative ways. and now my future at UMD is about to cease, too. I know this sounds like just another one of them fucking sob stories, but this is one of the many things I have to think of everyday. Sure, I'm glad I met the friends I have at UMD and they showed me what true friends really are. But I can't help but think...what ever happened to what I wanted?

At the beginning of my first semester at UMD, I was addicted to blues. I fucked up!!! I had a few benders and because of it I am not friends with the same people anymore. I want to give out a lil shout out to those that helped me throughout one of the toughest points in my life. Because of the current friends, I have quite my addiction to blues and currentlly have not taken any drugs in the past 3 months. My friends helped me survive this addiction and because of that I owe them my life. LOVE YOU BROS!!!!

I can't stop watching this episode of "key and peele". It's too funny. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPpzJAzdpTU

My room mates IQ is 2

I took an exam on Tuesday. I saw four kids cheating. They pulled out some notes after they had already flipped through the exam to see what was on it. I don't know if I should report them or not. I'm afraid to because I don't know their names and I can't give much of a physical description since I could only see the backs of their heads. I didn't do well on the exam and I don't want this to ruin the curve.

I did my brother's papers in high school and kept his grades up...and also got him into UMD a few years ago. Yet I'm the burden in the family.

I know how pathetic it sounds, but I can't sleep alone. Literally. It's seriously affecting my ability to do day-to-day things, I'm constantly exhausted. But what can I say to my partner? "Don't have a life, because I want to nap"?? I keep hoping I'll eventually get so exhausted that I'll pass out anyway, but even then I wake up more tired than before. Halp.