I've been misunderstood, slandered, idealized and belittled by people I do not know. In turn, I've done the same and nothing good, largely nothing at all, has come from it. I'm very flawed and I've always believed that. This is an unhealthy, mentally taxing exercise. I have to stop reading and writing.

I'm sorry if I hurt you. I regret those messages; I meant what I wrote at the time but I was wrong. You and I are very different. I need this time only for my family and for myself. I wish you nothing but the best.

I was talking to my dad and their friends about about my studies, which to be honest was not going well. I told them I was worried about my future prospects, about my ability to get on my feet, all very real and pressing problems but they just laughed it off. They were part of the hearty group of immigrants who have always gone through life without preconceptions, expectations, or dreams really. They spent many years as migrant workers in places like Saudi Arabia, Korea, Bangladesh, and their senses seem to be tempered against even the worst calamity and many more years unemployed. Uncertainty was the name of the game in their life. Uneducated, uninformed, "unskilled", they went thorough life not knowing when they'd see their family, friends, or where their next paycheck was going to come from. In contrast, I lose my senses whenever I stray from the predetermined path to supposed success. I know they face the same anxiety and share the same fears that I feel, but they can just brush it aside and enjoy their life no matter what. While I dabble with suicidal thoughts just because life hasn't turned out the way I wanted, they always remembered to drink and eat well even when everything is going to shit around them. Maybe I just have a lot to learn about what living this life is all about.

Dear Jane,

We're happy together. I love and appreciate you.

Sincerely,
John

If boys and girls dislike each other as children then later become attracted to each other, will gays/lesbians dislike others of their own gender as children?

Vows of silence are easy, all you need to do is keep your mouth shut. I'm going to take the much more socially difficult vow of a vow of yelling.

I complimented guys who I have no interest in whatsoever.

The difference between a college student and a high school drop out is that one controls a more prized piece of information while the other doesn't. Information asymmetry is the reason people succeed in this world. The playing field is not level, competition is kept down by limiting the players. That is why the lucrative professions have such high attrition rates. The more the competition the more the bottom line diminishes for the average player. Given all this information, I fail to see how the age old adage of "may the best man win" passes muster.