#3899 This is the girl who posted confession #3793. Before i continue with this question, all i ask is that you do not judge -- the situation, me, my parents, or anyone I speak of. This in no way me trying to have sides picked, or to tear down whomever is mentioned or the subject of this confession.

On Monday night I was given an ultimatum. I was asked to speak of what my thoughts have been over the weekend, what I plan to do, and what steps I'll take to go forward. Having spoken to my (now ex) girlfriend that day, my heart was racing but I voiced what I truly thought and felt. I said that I thought about how much pain this has been causing them(my parents), and how sorry i feel for it and for how they had to find out. I also said want to come out to the rest of the family (siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents). This upset them greatly. Amongst A LOT of things that was said to me that night, I was told that I had to make a decision -- by yesterday morning. Either I cut off my (ex) girlfriend from my life, break off the relationship, repent to God, and forcefully change my sexuality -- or continue embracing who I am, pack up my things and leave. Because they won't accept it and won't make exceptions.

With pain my heart, not having eaten properly since Friday, not having slept right since Thursday night (when it all happened -- them finding out), having been crying nonstop, I went to my room after hours of "talking", to Skype call my (ex) girlfriend in secret, telling her what'd just happened -- building up to what I had to choose. I had to stop our relationship. I cried with every word I said, apologizing over and over. I made the choice to stick to my family.

It's been insanely hard and insanely painful. Yesterday, I cried and cried and cried. I tried to eat and successfully did until the pain led me to throwing it back up. I saw her yesterday because I was told to return her senior hs pictures. We cried. That's when I threw up. Leaving her house was painful. I'm tormented. Conflicted. Deteriorating. But I'm trying. Trying to make an effort. Trying to show my parents I DO love them. I DO care how they feel about this, what they think about this. They feel I don't. But I do... I have not been the best daughter. Going through my teen years, I've always did what I wanted even though they'd tell me not to -- wearing black all the time, listening to screamo music, etc. honestly, nothing too out of the ordinary for a teen. I grew out of those phases. But, they feel this is just one more thing. It's not. But I recognize I hadn't been the easiest child to deal with, but I wasn't all bad. I did well in school (A's and B's). But I am stubborn when it comes to doing what I want; strong-willed, if you may. Anyways... I'm trying. Because I LOVE them. It's just......hard....

#3898 I feel like everyone else around me has a group of friends here except me lol.

#3897 A breakup is always better than u letting someone just walk away, without saying anything. Now her bf has issues with her talking to me..!! I wish we stayed the way we were before. Will miss you forever.

#3896 you know what sucks? when your problems arent about roommates, friends, classes or anything like that. that stuff is kids play compared to real life and death things. like cancer. like people close to you dying. how do you relate to people when you know what the real end looks like. here is what ive learned about life. life is about happiness, about finding your passion, about being kind, about having fun and about building loving relationships. be kind. give hugs. give support. give compliments. love. love too hard. love too much.

#3895 I just want to know what other people don't seem to understand about tapping feet/legs while sitting in a lecture hall that has connected chairs and tables. Do these people not realize that we can feel all of the students' movements throughout the table? IF YOU'RE BOUNCING YOUR FUCKING LEG UP AND DOWN AND OUR SEATS ARE CONNECTED TO THE SAME TABLE, I FEEL IT FIVE SEATS DOWN. I don't care if you have friggin restless leg syndrome or whatever else, go sit on the damn floor and stop distracting and annoying the students surrounding you. Douche.

#3894 i dont give a flyin fuck what yall think Obama's freakin awesome!! #obamarules #fuckthe22ndAmmendment

#3893 I wanted someone, anyone, to think that I was good enough for you and that we would be good together. But nobody thought that. Not a single one of the people who called themselves my friends. And the issue WAS NOT that I was basing my self worth on that you thought about me, or what others thought about me. It was because i KNEW i was good enough, that our personalities and strengths and weaknesses went well together, that I thought the world of you and would do anything to make you happy, that you thought of me as a good friend and someone you wanted to keep in your life and see every day and maybe was kinda sexy. And...no one else seemed to see any of it, and the cognitive dissonance was stressful and saddening and made me think maybe I wasn't as insightful, eloquent, supportive, etc as I thought, if no one could picture me as that person. I had to believe in myself when everyone else was consistently rebuffing it by telling me otherwise, by saying how great and wonderful the non-me counterparts of you were, in that place i wished to occupy. "She's his perfect foil, isn't it obvious?" No it wasn't fucking obvious and hey i could have been "perfect" for you too thank you very fucking much. In these four years the situation has only gotten worse; after graduation I will go far from you and try to forget that by your side, the most heavenly feeling in the world existed.

#3892 With all the "what would i say" statuses lately, I only wonder what ConfessionsBot would say.