Hi, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness wondering if you’d be interested in a gym membership over at Jehovah’s Fitness

if you say “bloody maury” into a mirror three times you will be the father

If it actually started raining men I think I’d just start crying and be really terrified and not leave my house and just curl up into a ball and pretend I couldn’t hear the slamming of bodies falling upon my roof under no circumstances would I think “hallelujah”

To everyone who is single this Valentine's Day,
Don't worry if you haven't found love. They're just fucking someone else at the moment.

confession:This guy came up to me in the old starbucks a couple months ago and after that day I found myself wondering about him and his shitty razzmatazz. The day before I went home I built up the balls to talk to him but this bitchette cockblocked me. first day back to school I heard these girls complaining about how he got a girlfriend over break. Shit happens right, next time try the caribbean passion...

Recently found out that Valentine's Day is on a Friday this year. That means that I don't have to worry about being hungover in class the next day after drinking away my loneliness with a bottle of wine...so that's a plus.

watching me try to put on skinny jeans in the morning is probably very similar to watching a baby giraffe learn how to walk

waiting for someone to come up to me and confess they have been in love with me from a distance for forever is really getting tiring tbh