Because of NAU's budget cuts I might not be able to graduate on time, but I signed a contract saying 4 and done. Anyone want to go class action with me?

Who needs expensive therapy when you have expensive trading cards...

I know I got more candy than you this Halloween.

We spent our Halloween night rolling on acid and fucking to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon twice through. Nothing will ever top this night.

I want to cry. I got a 70% on my accounting test. I am beyond an idiot.
:( I should just never be allowed to speak again.

This parking lot had expecting mothers parking spaces. Why do pregos get special parking!? It's not like they're disabled. So I did the right thing. I parked in the expectant mothers spot, because a person who willingly decided to have a kid, can waddle her prego ass to the door like everyone else.

My roommate freshman year ate ramen so frequently that our room perpetually smelled like it to where it was almost unbearable. One time after not sleeping for a few days he blacked out eating a bowl of ramen and I thought he had legitimately overdosed on sodium. He woke up the next day and finished the bowl.

I try to be a nice guy, she tells me to "gtfo creep" I act like a douchebag and she sends me nudes... well whatever works