Ever since I started growing out my beard I have had a lot more booty calls hitting me up than usual...

I work out in the HLC only to check out ass. I love seeing girls in their tight shortcuts someday I am going to slap one of their asses. The lawsuit will be worth it ;)

I'm pretty sure a friend of mine is a lesbian for me. I recently became single, but I'm not really that interested in her that way, like, at all. I pretty much use her for notes. I feel like a bad person.

I poop in the shower.

My ex and I had a goal of having sex in every state. We got to 6 states. I just wish we were able to accomplish it.

Am I the only person to wonder about the person who supposedly slept with 500 chicks keep track of it? Points to you if you actually did. But how do you record that? Do you just have a little book somewhere with names or tally marks? And how do you know you never slept with the same girl multiple times?

Hungarian Bullride: for all you fuckers, do doggy style with a hot chick and when shes about to orgasm whisper in her ear; "I have AIDs", then hold on for as long as you can and enjoy the ride.

My girlfriends vagina looks like chopped up lasagna