I'm a homewrecker. Like, I'll literally run through your house with a sledgehammer and smash the shit out of everything.

My friends think that my incomprehensible amount of sass is going to get me in trouble in the near future. I agree with them, but until then, I just have no fucks left to give.

I am weirdly obsessed with corsets. I own quite a few steel boned corsets. I often wear them under my clothes when in class or at work. Maybe I should invest in shirts that go with my corsets and just wear them to show all the time.

I wore a tank top for the first time in a while, and I realized that my body isn't as hideous as I think. If I stand up straight, it showcases my broad shoulders and strong limbs very well, even if there is a farmer's tan... there may be hope for me to be "hot" yet.

There are these two guys who I always see ride the bus to and from Bio Science that always offer their seats to girls if they don't have one, I just want to say you two are true gentlemen, sadly you don't see that all that often! Keep doing what you're doing!!!

I got cheated on by my gf of 4 years, friends suspected that it was happening earlier than this but I always believed her when I asked about someone she was texting. Now her current bf(guy she cheated on me with) is asking me if she might be cheating on him, I told him to play in traffic. Never realized it but fuck, I was a fucking idiot during that whole 4 years. Guys can be faithful ladies, just don't fuck over the faithful ones just because we are gullible. Moral of the story, I started my own biotechnology company and I still have not found a faithful woman. Fml. #Alumni

My co-worker better be playing or we're going to have some serious problems at work. If you confess your feelings then things can go back to normal...with a side of hooking up.

My boyfriend told me he would leave me for Lana del Rey and I cried. He thought it was the funniest thing ever.