I was blackout drunk and had sex with a girl in Sechrist last night and think I have an STD? What should i do?

I love how all of the posts by drivers always seem so angry. Complain all you want in your enclosed, temperature controlled vehicle as you cruise on by. Have fun paying for gas, insurance, maintenance, and parking, I'm exercising and traveling for free. I have lost weight, my asthma has all but disappeared, and I am feeling great. So the next time you flip me off, honk, and speed off into the distance, look out for my smile and wave. I have a great time each time I start my commute. Can you say the same?

So I like women and men. And I thought I should put that out there on Confessions because i can't seem to say it in real life.

PSA: I work night weekend shifts at parking services and get calls all the time saying that people thought parking was free on the weekends in parking garages, so they took a ticket and expected to just be let out for free. Stop it. Its not. Don't be dumb. Next time one of you people call me I'm going to make you pay it. That is all.

People who leave their clothes in the washers and dryers in communal spaces are motherfuckers and I've made it common practice to hock loogies into your piles of clothes. Set a timer on your phone or watch, or slip into your mucus Covered pajamas at night...your choice.

It saddens me that none of my friends are as excited as I am about life.

i keep crucial things in each different pocket of my backpack just so i can be annoying in the library.

when you're on the shitter taking a shit and your phone loses signal < ....fucking bloody cunt