Like wouldn't it be hot if a big sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk, and you think, "Yeah, okay, he's gonna give me mouth to mouth." But instead, he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation that you feel before you die is he is squeezing your throat so hard that a big, wet, blob of drool drips off his teeth and just "flurr", falls right onto your popped out eyeball...

I just wish I had some dishes to wash with my tongue... anyone got a moist pussy that needs vacuuming? Must be someone out there.

If you want to see 50 shades of grey, you can look under my eyes. Reppin' team no sleep~~

Fuck the guy at scholars, because he has betyer brows than me and I'm a girl.

I fell asleep at Cline in the wee hours and peed myself. Oops.

When things fall apart with someone and you realize they started dating someone new a week after ya'll broke up. Ouch.

I had my first not online girl crush. The girl who works at little ceasers with suuuuper-cute goofy smile and baby face, you're just so adorable!

You would think with all the mistakes I make regarding friends that I would at least have a learning curve. Apparently not. Probably lost a great one last night.