28 years old & never owned a cellphone...

I bought sippy cups this weekend so I could drink wine without spilling it on myself. Thank you Target, thank you college, thank you alcoholism.

I would much rather be the friend that gets "used" or "only gets hit up" when someone needs something, than to be the friend people only hang out with out of pity or guilt.

I spend too much time being amused by people's lack of awareness of satire on the internet.

The most disrespectful thing you can do to someone is not even give them the courtesy of a "no".

Don't eat the salad at the Hot Spot. People, myself included, have been getting food poisoning from it.

In high school I occasionally used the female restroom because it is SO MUCH CLEANER THAN THE MALE RESTROOM.

I'm one of the guys who cooks eggs for you in the mornings at the Hotspot... Please people, when you order eggs to be made for you, come and pick up the fucking plate when it's ready. I'm sick and tired of having to throw the food away because some asshole forgot his order. Don't piss of the people who cook your food.