Amy Dunne is my hero.

While walking home tonight I got fucking Soda all over me. Some fucking asshole threw a drink from their car at a truck passing by. It hit the truck and got all over me. The truck pulled a u-turn a flew after the fucking car. I really hope the truck caught them because I would have beat the shit out of who ever was in the car.

If I took Mozart Requiem scroll and went back in time before his death. Do you think he would approve it?

I'm surprised none of the ladies pointed out the logical fallacy of generalization in my last confession. I also lied in it, I know there are many women out there that dwarf my own intellect. I'm just butthurt that perfect does not exist, and that the ladies in my romantic life do not stand up to the sexy minds of others who are off limits.

I was about to buy a book that cost $116 but god saved me :')

To the guy going to Gabaldon who shared a cab with me this Monday morning, sorry you had to sit there while the cab lady bitched me out for not having enough cash (funnily enough, I realized I had more in my purse after the fact). I'm an idiot and you were a gentleman. So thank you, man, hope you get paid back for that and then some.

So I'm a transfer student and at my last school, the problem with the food was that it was expensive per the portion. At this school, the problem with the food (depending on where you eat) is that it might poison you. I just find that funny to think about.

I saw the hilarious ad for the Poo-Pourri & thought I'd give it a try. I thought it was TOTALLY NOT going to work, but I used it and then I knew. I could never live without it again. Now I don't need to leave the bathroom blower for 2 days LMAOOO.