I fell in love with a beautiful woman. She's exotic, kind, treated me well when nobody else would, and I owe her my life. Unfortunately, my adoptive father thinks that she is a whore just as much as he thinks I am a monster. But she's a good soul, and I want to protect her with this twisted body as much as I can. May the bells I ring strike me deaf if I'm lying.

I like my women how I like my coffee: In a plastic cup.

My wife is a crazy bitch, but I'm having a hard time not being controlled by her. She thinks I'm destined for greatness, that I'm going to make my family proud, all this crazy shit. She's trying to convince me to kill one of my best friends so nothing is standing in my way... I'm almost tempted to do it. Maybe it wouldn't be such a problem if she didn't stop bitching about this nonexistent spot on her hand. I swear to fuck, it's keeping me awake.

Not too long ago I was at Collins, and I met this guy who is dressed very classy and proper. And just thought he was so cute so I decide to lean over and try to kiss him, and he decides to shake my hand. I don't know why but I just thought that was the cutest thing.

To whoever keeps posting Shakespeare references; I give you props.

I have a terminal condition. It causes my skin to be lustrous, my eyes to look like gemstones, my hair to be thick and full, my lips to be soft and warm, and my smile to be bright. I've never told anyone this before, so you have to understand that I'm really apprehensive when I say that I'm... sexy...

Ya know, you may think your being hilarious commenting things such as "your grammar needs work, or spelling errors or tl;dr" (and hell, ya maybe its true that they do) for confessions involving people improving their lives weather its going into a new relationship after coming out of an abusive one,coming out, or overcoming drug or alcohol addiction, hell anything in general really. But the simple truth is, it may be funny to you, but it could be devastating for the person that submitted it. Just remember the golden rule of treat others how you would want to be treated. Because ya, it's the internet and don't take it seriously blah blah blah. Quite frankly, it's a little disgusting. Show some compassion and understanding towards people. Yes, it is hypocritical of me to say that for people posting jokes because I don't know if your trying to cheer them up or not. Just be mindful of others really. This was a long post...ooppps sorry, thanks for sticking around to read it.

I want to experiment with some ladies with the fatties going on! C'mon its college!