I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

ugly people make me sick to my stomach

I love weird girls. I love girls who are taller than me and have big teeth. I love girls who love weird things like Anime or Star Trek or some weird obscure thing like HomestarRunner. I love girls who dress weird and don't care about the latest fashion. I love girls who love being weird in bed. Ask me to choke them or talk dirty to me. I love girls who care about real issues and not what's on TV. I love girls with substance. I love girls who sit on my face. I love girls who like Men and not little boys.

Do you ever feel like the world is a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes?

Whoever is sending in all the Anchorman quotes, god bless you. That made my night.

I had a dream about a guy that I've never met before. Let me just say that if I meet you in person, I will jump your bones.

Im gay, and this whole week I thought some guy would ask me out to that carnival thing tomorrow. Im a hopeless romantic...