I know in my heart and my mind that 50 Shades of Grey was really too close to rape and sent all of the wrong messages about relationships and life. But, my body really likes the idea and I feel super guilty about it! I don't know how to ask a male to do that to me without sounding like a freak and begging to be gossiped about. But I also can't turn off how badly I want it.

It's so cold today, I accidentally keyed a car with my nipples in the grocery store parking lot! #flagwinterstruggs #sorryimnotsorry

I miss the days when fights were a common way of settling discrepancies and gaining respect. We honestly need that in an era of verbal dickery.

The fact that you can get it together, and I have no idea what I'm talking about the future. #deep

I'm 20 and balding. I want to use that Rogain shit, but I'm afraid I'm going to turn in to Sasquatch. Time to save up for a hair transplant!

Yzma from the Emperor's New Groove has boobs as low as my grades.

Did ancient Romans call their best friends "romies" like "homies" because if not, I'm severely disappointed in them.

When you're a socially awkward quiet girl who spends most lectures daydreaming about your super hot crush who sits in front of you in lecture

And then one day they don't sit in their usually seat, and you're like

"Wait, what? No no no sit sit sit you sit down now that was your seat where are you going??? I woke up for this, come on!"

And then they keep walking up the rows, and then you realize they're looking at you, and THEN THEY SIT NEXT TO YOU AND YOU HAVE TO SIT THERE AND ACT LIKE YOUR BRAIN ISNT IMPLODING

AND THEN THEY ASK YOU TO PASS THE SCANTRON SHEETS!!!!!! (What?? me? You want Scantron sheets from me? Like the ones in MY hand?) AND THE CHERUBS DESCEND FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE BECAUSE THEIR VOICE IS LIKE A SEX GOD TRAPPED IN THIS ONE PERFECT BODY AND YOU CAN TOUCH HIM BUT THAT WOULD BE WEIRD BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARENT SURE IF YOU CAUSED A TSUNAMI BECAUSE YOU JUST CAME EVERYWHERE BECAUSE OF THAT GOD DAMN VOICE

AND HE'S LOOKING AT YOU AND HIS EYES ARE SO PERFECT HOW ARE THEY SO PERFECT THIS IS AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS EYES CANT BE THAT PERFECT THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL WHAT THE FUCK WHO LIVES LIKE THIS

And then he asks, "Umm, can you, pass the sheets...?

OHH LORD JESUS ITS A FIRE HE JUST ASKED ME TWO THINGS IN A ROW