Wanna become a fitness expert? It's easy! Change your instagram name to some combination of the word "fitness" and your name, and post endless selfies of you (with a pump obviously) standing in your gym's bathroom under a light to highlight all of your cool muscles that would be otherwise virtually non-existent in any other lighting condition. Also, caption all of your photos with quotes like caesars "veni, vidi, vici" or anything muhammad ali has ever said because you know that your 1-2 hour stimulant-fueled gym sessions are easily comparable to any of the petty stuff they did. Also, make sure you delete the account after a year has passed and you gave up all of the fitness stuff.

I like to watch foreign movies because I can't afford vacations.

I got so high I took a shit in a bong and froze it.

I think Subway is just trying to break me...."We don't serve Italian dressing anymore"....Why would you do that to me? What do I eat with my turkey sub now?! What is life? Who am I?!

I dont understand why yal still so hype over gay rights and separate but equal. To be honest lets take away all of the political and religious crap and lets just get down to personal preference. why does it have to be such a problem that gay/lesbian individuals are not widely accepted? If i as a straight man don't want you, a gay man near me, I should have the right to excuse myself or refuse to interact/deal with him based solely on the fact that, I, a human being do not prefer to be exposed. But wait, that makes me homophobic right? haha why can't it be simple as: "I do not prefer to be exposed to homosexuality, therefore, I don't want it around my family, my business, or myself"? why is that so hard to accept.

Just spend my Easter night (the end of my Lent in which i gave up porn, soda, and candy) naked in my dorm, watching porn while Dragon Ball Z was on TV, drinking soda from a glass bottle and eating all sorts of fancy-ass chocolates.

That's the last time I drop my standards just to date another stoner. I'll stick to my vain flings from now on, thanks!

So ladies, I have walked up to a couple of you that I found cute, to try to start a conversation, and maybe get to know you a little better. Well, I wouldn't advise any other guys to do the same. You should really be a little more friendly, I wasn't doing anything wrong.