So for the best drunk story: I took about 10 shots of vodka and got trashed. Anyways, my friends somehow got food without me and I was really hungry. so i looked around the dorm room for food and spotted a fish tank. and i went up to it and found a beta fish that looked tasty. so i reached in and tried to eat it. but my friend stopped me...i still wanna eat it.

I AM the hottest shit since the sun.

My professor got me pregnant and is now pressuring me to get an abortion. I just wanted an A.....

There's a girl in my shakespeare class who I REAAAAAALLY like that came to an event I was involved with. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I like playing poker, but I'm just not very good at it.

One of my favorite ways to relieve stress is snuggling with an attractive young lady, watching a good movie and maybe kissing a lot.

One of my crowning moments was when this mysoginistic neckbeard was talking about how he was going to give it to a girl at this anime convention I went to. I just went up to him, patted the side of his head, and said, "Oh, you are just too precious" in the most condescending way I could before walking off.

Six men came to kill me one time, and the best of them carried this. It's a Callahan Full-bore Auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge, thorough gauge. This is my very favorite gun... I call it 'Vera'.