Today I saw a gorgeous girl. I saw her enter the stall, then exit the bathroom without washing her hands. Imagine if all those gorgeous girls do that.

Today, I did the impossible. I pooped without peeing.

You guys tell some pretty boring stories. It takes all that I have not to write "cool story bro." in the comments of each.

One night I took way too many shots of whiskey and got wasted. Went downtown...only lasted 20 minutes before I had to go home. I threw up all over my roommates couch that was gone for the weekend. Cleaned it up the next day. She doesn't know. Sorry I'm not sorry. You were a bitch.

Drunk Sayings: We will remember this never.

Most awkward thing that's happened to me was my roommate walked in on me having sex and didn't realize it.

I'm pretty sure the mom I was fucking doesn't want to talk to me anymore. XD Said I was undermining her when she kept trying to tell me things, like going on meds because of my emotions. Dafuq.

In Sechrist at the beginning of the semester a bunch of us were pregaming pretty hard before we went out to a party or something. After we drank for a while one of my friends opened the heater and we found a flesh light in there. We died laughing and later on threw it into some girls room