Sometimes, I only shave one leg so when I lie down it feels like i'm laying next to a man

I like to think I'm a nice, date able guy, but when your friends start trying to set you up with girls because you're on a "dry spell", you know you're fucking up

To the girl in Tinsley who always walks around blaring her headphones, take them out for once so I can say hey! You're gorgeous.

Is it wierd that I am a lesbian but I sometimes actually like to watch man on man porn?

I'll never be totally out of love with you, too bad you're too much of a fucking bitch to deal with.

Everytime I go downtown, the guys I usually eyeball are the bouncers, bartenders, and cops after the bars close.

Best drunk story: pounded back heinekens at the Iration show at the Orpheum, then went over to the Weatherford and had like 6 margaritas. Puked in their urinal and left to get a hot dog at Primos. Then, went to JAX to try to throw up on the dance floor but failed (probably considering i just emptied the tank in the Weatherfor urinal), drank more margaritas instead. According to sources, was too drunk to realize the bartender was diggin on me pretty good. Finally, fell into parked cars in front of groups of females and walked into a window at Mias and was denied entry. Woke up in my bed with no clothes on with zero recollection of how i got back and nearly blind in one eye. I hope i got laid and punched out by a vengeful boyfriend or something.

Fapped with a warm banana peel last night. Dick was not small enough to fit in it fully. But fuck, I need to find a bigger banana now. shit was so cash.