Earlier this year I got really drunk and shat in the Tinsley showers.

Two years ago my roommates and I were walking home from Mad-I and came across a girl who was too drunk to find her way home. We brought her back to our house, fed her pizza, and drove her back to her apartment. That bitch didn't even say thank you.

One time my roommate and I snorted cocaine off our neighbor's butt. It was kind of demoralizing but at the time I enjoyed it.

In 5th grade I pooped while I was hiking. On crystalized minerals. People still call me poop girl.

In 7th grade, during recess, I really needed to use the restroom but my teacher wouldn't let me. I ended up peeing my pants while I was sitting in the snow. So my friends just covered me in snow and we told everyone we had a snowball fight. I smelled like pee when I came inside.

I'm an accounting major and I jack off onto my 355 book. Depreciation and amortization really get me going.

I lived in Gillenwater a few years ago and we had awful neighbors. They were super loud every night even after we had asked them to be quiet politely. My roommate and I got wasted and she banged on their window and screamed "FUCK YOU BITCHES!!!" They came out to look for us but we were gone. I also smeared poop on their door. Looking back it was childish. SORRY.

If anoyone heard me yell "Expecto Patronum" tonight on South campus... You're welcome.