I have not been myself for years now..
I don't get excited, I don't get mad. I get hungry, but
Then get too nauseous to eat. I don't ever feel
Robust, vibrant, or happy. I spend most of my time
Feeling disinterested and lethargic. I can't even communicate with other people anymore. I used to be an all around people person.. fun, energetic, considerate, caring, great sense of humor without making others the butt of a joke.. Now every encounter is just so awkward and alien feeling. The wrong words come out with the wrong timing and people don't like me. I honestly don't blame them, I wouldn't like being around such a downer like me either. Not having anyone to communicate with isn't so bad though, I spend most of my time with other people completely within thoughts anyways. But it pains me to think
that person I look back on so fondly in my memories is completely gone.


The "not feeling myself for a while" isn't my confession.
My confession is that here on Christmas Day, the day of the year that I should be feeling myself, What with my family, great food, peoples whom company I once enjoyed, material objects, and other things people enjoy, I feel bad. So so bad. And I am so so afraid I will be in a constant state of discontent my whole life. Will I ever enjoy anything again, look forward to anything again, will I ever take a bite of food that I don't have to force myself to eat? Will I ever find that person again, or am I stuck as me?:/
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, I sure tried.

Yours truly,
A truly tired soul

To my shithead suite mates who didn't clean the bathroom before they left. Enjoy paying for the fine, assholes

I came across a photo today, and though I can't attach it I do want to share it's message for any who may take heart in it.

"If you're going home to an unsupportive family this holiday season, remember that your worth is not defined by what they say or how they treat you."

Have an amazing break people ?

There are people on the streets getting diseases from monkeys. That's right I said diseases from monkeys! Who's touchin these god dang monkeys? Who's touchin these funky monkeys? Please leave these monkeys alone they've got problems enough as it is!

Get to come home and see my friend that honestly I really want to screw him and he wants me too but I'm scared he is gonna tell everyone at work... so instead I left a hickey on his neck to wear today! And somehow people know its mine... dick move but the butterflies in my stomach still want to meet him in a bed ;)

I HATE Christmas music.

I accredit my good grades this semester to some hard work...and a whole lot of praying. God is too good!!

Most of my older friends know about this but it's a good story. My freshman year, I lived in McConnell. The stairwell was on my left, the bathrooms on the right. It's reading week and my roommate, I and a few other friends had done some heavy drinking the night before. Heavy Drinking. At about 6 or 7 in the morning, my then-girlfriend came down from 4C and while crawling into bed, felt something wet. She pulled off the blankets and noticed I pissed EVERYWHERE. Her pulling off the blankets caused me to wake up, and still blackout, I mumbled something about needing to pee. I walked out of my room in nothing but piss drenched boxers, walked back in a few seconds later, mumbled something about how the door was locked and that I needed my room key. I walked out to the left, my girlfriend noticed and came in to the hallway. I was trying to unlock the janitors closet with my room key and ended up getting the key jammed in there. She went back into my room, grabbed a clean pair of boxers and for some reason I changed in the middle of the hallway. She led me back to her room and we went back to bed until I woke up and dealt with my bed downstairs.

She put up with a lot of shit. Bless her heart. If you see this, I hope you're doing well. I'll post a few other stories later.