I saw a guy by Storrs road this weekend dragging an eggplant on a string while I was driving so I pulled up next to him and asked him what he was doing. He shouted "Can't you see I'm walking my pet eggplant?! What does it look like I'm doing?! Can't a guy spend some quality time with his freakin eggplant anymore?! I swear to god this country is going to shit!!!" Then he continued to walk off. I couldn't drive for the next 5 minutes cuz I was laughing so hard.

Is it weird i occasionally masturbate to grandma porn? I'm 19 and I really enjoy it sometimes, especially when I'm stressed over exams... It calms me...

Bulimia sucks. I've dealing with this since college started and it's only getting worse this semester

White people crazy af they'll jack off in each other's cereal milk and be like "DUUUUUDE I JERKED OFF IN YOUR CEREAL WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING HAHAHAHA WHY YOU MAD DUDE?? IT'S JUST A PRANK!!!" "DUDE I TOOK A SHIT IN A USED CONDOM AND LET IT FERMENT IN THE SUN FOR 365 DAYS, THEN I SQUEEZED IT OUT ON YOUR SPECIALLY MADE ORGANIC BROWNIES THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER MADE FOR PASSING YOUR SPELLING TEST HAHAHAAAAAAA BUT DON'T GET MAD IT'S ONLY A PRANK DUDE!!!" .....yall need jesus

I'm a guy and I once took a shit in the girl's bathroom in the student union once and I didn't flush

So last semester i was taking a test during finals and the most embarrassing shit happened... I have a really weird habit of calming myself down when I'm nervous during a test by singing The Pussycat Dolls- Dontcha. I usually drag the end as if it was a breathing technique. "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me dontchaaaaaaaa." So during the beginning of a final, I was pretty nervous since I've been slacking off the whole semester, and this final was a chance to bring my grade up. I started whisper-singing under my breath so mindlessly and passionately that I didn't notice that the people around me were watching. I was so embarrassed I had to beg the professor to let me leave the classroom to use the bathroom. BTW, I'm 6'4 255 pounds and African American

So uh... I have this anxiety disorder where my face turns red frequently throughout the day. A boy in my stats class started talking to me after class and this entitled ass fuckboi thought I was eye-flirting with him during class and blushing. I ended up telling him about my disorder and walked away. I looked back as I was walking away and caught him grabbing his penis and pretended to rip his dick off and throw it away. LOL

To the fat fuckin girl at the student union who was loud as shit on her phone blocking the entrance, sounding like an out of order lawnmower when you laugh "HKAAAAR HKAAAAR HKAAAAR!!!!!" BITCH FUCK YOU, YOU PREGNANT WATER BUFFALO, MOOSE NOSE, SPONGE BOB SHAPED ASS, ASHY ASS ELBOWS LIKE A CACTUS, FAT UGLASS CREATURE THROWN ASHORE BY HURRICANE IRMA, DJ KHALED UNDERBOOB LOOKIN ASS BITCHHHHHH and have a great night =)