not going to lie, it pains me to read about all the struggles that people post, but makes me feel good knowing that I am not the only one struggling too.

This is my confession for the poster who was talking about staying up all night to be there for their friends but not having the favor returned. I'm posting this anonymously because...well, it's personal.

I have been where you are right now. Not to toot my own horn, but I was the best friend a person could ask for. Always there, always listening, always putting them before me. But the favor was never returned when I needed it most, like during my suicidal and self-harm age. It caused me a lot of pain to know that my friends weren't willing to be up with me while I struggled through the nights... but in reality, I was the one creating the pain.
The MOMENT you let other people affect your emotions is the moment you lose. If you expect people to stay up with you all night, you're shooting yourself in the foot. It doesn't mean that those are bad friends you have! But those aren't expectations you should hold on all your friends - maybe a really, really close one or a family member - but only someone extremely close. Because in all honesty, whatever pain you're suffering from (and I mean any kind of pain) it's only existing because you're allowing it to exist. Pain is all in the brain. And if you sometimes rely on the company of others to ease that for you... you're just screwing yourself over for when the times no one will be able to be there. The reason I say this is because you have to deal with the pain ON YOUR OWN TERMS. Control it yourself - it's the only way to overcome it. A lot of people say you need friends to get you through stuff... but when push comes to shove, real problems get solved when you handle them yourself. You gotta tell those bad feelings that they aren't there to control you. And even if it feels like you're talking to a brick wall, keeping telling yourself that YOU'RE in control, not ANYTHING or ANYONE else. Eventually, you're brain will believe it (just like how it created the pain in the first place.) And once you overcome that kind of pain, nothing will be able to stand in your way. When I struggled I used to loneliness to my advantage to connect with God. Sometimes my worst thoughts would be when I was alone... but it was also the time of my greatest epiphanies.

I'm sorry for the rant/pep-talk/my-idea-of-reality-check, but take it from someone who had the same problem. You DO have the power to turn things around, and I have faith in that.

So far the most badass thing I've done this summer is skip church once

Sometimes I wish I had a girlfriend, but then I remember how awesome my life is right now and I don't want to complicate the great things I've got going on.

I had a nightmare that I didn't move out in time for checkouts....two weeks later and it still scares me lol

I'm the type of person who will stay up until whatever hour in the morning with someone if I know they need me. I can't find it in myself to say: "Gotta go to bed. Night!" to someone who has expressed to me and reached out to me that they feel really depressed, anxious, down, troubled, or even if they just need some advice or someone to listen. I forget others are not like me. I really wish they were. I'm so effing depressed and I so desperately need my friends… I'm always there for them, even in the early morning, and yet… No one seems to care about me when I need them. Even when I say: "I really need someone right now. I feel really depressed."… No one cares. It ends up with a reply like this: "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's late though. I need to sleep. Have a good night!" It's SO hard to reach out in the first place when I feel this depressed, and then when I do and get a reply like that, do they even realize how much worse I feel?

So here I am. Crying and about to get high on painkillers to try and numb all this extreme, overwhelming sadness and pain. I'm the person who always cares for others, but who others never care about.

When I eat trailmix...I eat only the M&Ms...with the salty raisins. The rest of it can go f itself.

I want a boyfriend, but I know that because of my health problems, no guy is going to look at me twice, because all they'll see is my illnesses, which has left me feeling really hopeless and pathetic.