I was really close to dropping out of George Fox this year. It wasn't because I hated this school or anything because I actually do love this school despite its flaws, but I really can't afford this school and I still can't seem to find a job on campus. Furthermore, I just found out that the manager at my old job doesn't want me to come back because while she said I'm a great worker, she also said that I'm bad at working under pressure and that it troubles the other workers. I used to be an A/B average student but these days I can't concentrate on my academics or feel motivated enough to care. I'm just disrespecting my favorite professors and pretending as if nothing's wrong. I wish I could blame this on my Generalized Anxiety Disorder but I know it's just a dumb excuse. Even without it I probably would still be an ugly, stupid, neurotic human degenerate with bad bank credits. I can't allow myself to show anything or tell anyone because I know I'm considered the happy, quirky one and it doesn't suit my image, but there are times when I don't feel like it and too many moments where I feel like I'm not allowed to be stressed or sad because then my friends avoid me. I'm just so tired and disappointed and I want to give up. I want nothing more than a reset button so my parents don't have to deal with the repercussions of raising a hopeless, expensive daughter. I feel like I wasted a perfectly good life and I wish I had never been born.

I haven't made any real friends here. I'm always alone. And now I'm getting depressed. Great school, I'm just really lonely because no one seems to really accept me.

I feel sorry for the freshmen, for they were not able to experience college with Internet that DOESN'T SUCK. Oh for the last school year, when the wifi was average speed instead of today's slower-than-dial up.

One time, I found a giant dead racoon in the middle of the night. Like a 40 pounder. I hung it from the second floor of the apartments over by baumann, so that it was directly in front of an apartment door, suspended at head level.

They did not like it very much.

I'm a female. I get scared walking by myself at night but I don't want to call security because I'd like to think of myself as someone who doesn't need a man to protect me. I don't think anything will ever happen to ME, but almost every time something makes my heart race. In all reality: it's scary walking alone. Especially when there is someone behind me. Scarier because the rain has made the footsteps audible. Are they walking faster to catch up?
Even though these people probably live in the same area as me, I get freaked out and worked up. I hate feeling afraid and vulnerable because I'm a female. Especially because of the dangers that have been happening recently on campus. Why does being a woman automatically make me more of a victim? I hate it.

Is it bad to be flirting with multiple guys at the same time? Right now I'm talking with two guys, I'm interested in both of them. They have no idea that they are in a competition for who I will put my focus into dating. It's getting more serious with them so I feel like I need to make my decision vary soon... and I have no idea who I should be with.

I don't feel like any of my friends appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. I call them every once in awhile to see how they're doing, and to chat with them, but none of them ever call to see how I'm doing nor do they ever call just to chat. The same goes with texting. They're good people, but I just feel really unappreciated :(

I'm glad fall finally came. I haven't shaved my legs, and don't plan on doing so anytime soon.