Today is formal, and I know that I shouldn't be concerned about someone asking me, but I wish that someone would ask me. I just, I don't know, feel special. Maybe I'll just wait for next year.

I actually don't know how old my parents are... Is that a bad thing? I used to know, but over the years they stopped putting it on the cake and it didn't seem to matter anymore.

So I was at the GFU Christmas event tonight and I saw these two guys. I see them all the time but I never catch either of their names. I only ever see them together, they both have beards: one is blonde and the other is brown haired. Anyone know who they are?

I shaved during November.

I was all pumped that I got a FoxAlert thinking that it meant my Chem test was canceled...(sigh)

I am the Bon and I refuse to make anything good for dinner and keep pizza only for lunch

I think I'm attracted to difficult situations. Especially regarding girls. First one thing then another. Always some insurmountable challenge that our relationship would have to overcome to survive. Be it ambition, distance, interests. I can never have it easy.

I'm a graphic design major. My professors tell me my work is consistently good or okay- passing. I never feel like I get that fantastic or great stamp of approval. Art and design is all I know how to do. It's all I've ever wanted for a career. People ask me where I want to be in the future- what my dreams jobs are and my honest answer is that I have none. I have none because I know I'll never make it. It's not enough to be good or okay in the art and design world. You have to be great to really make it. I'm not great. I feel my peers think it. I feel my professors think it. I'm tired of putting my heart and piece of myself in my art and in my work and still not being good enough. I'm so fucking depressed and I feel so hopeless as an artist, designer, and as a person, and I feel so utterly worthless overall. Lately thoughts of suicide have been running like mad in my mind and the more days that pass the more it doesn't seem so illogical. Why stay when I have nothing? I have no real friends. I won't make it in the art/design world- the only thing I would ever want to do, so I have no future. I've even lost all happiness in creating things- something that used to fill me with joy even on my darkest days. Now it just feels hopeless and pointless. Everything does. I wear happiness like a mask, fake and acted out but not really ever felt anymore. I do this everyday around people and in my classes- I lie when people ask me how I've been, mainly because I know they don't really care. No one does. I don't want to live anymore.