I think that Tim Ray is one of the most attractive guys on campus.

So... based off of (very educated) rumors from my family and friends, my boyfriend plans to propose some time next week-ish, apparently. We've been dating over three years, with our ups and downs and fights and forgiveness. Here's the thing though... For the last couple months, I've been secretly been second-guessing our whole relationship. Despite how extremely happy he makes me, despite how much I love him, I can't help but notice how miserable he can make me. He's broken my heart in major ways, and even though we've toughed out those issues, I know he'll do it again sooner or later. I just hate living in constant fear of when he will betray my trust once again. If these rumors are indeed true, I'm seriously considering talking him out of it before he gets the chance to ask me... because honestly, my gut does not say "yes."

My roommate and I both bought our Sadie Hawkins dresses today. (They're pretty, just like us!) However, neither of us have secured a date for the actual event. Priorities.

There's a girl on campus and we often see each other and lock eyes - totally accidentally - an when we do, she looks like she wants to set me on fire! I call her "Mean Mug" because she mean mugs me all. damn. day.

Sometimes, I immagine her watching me as I walk across the quad, she's leaning against the clock tower, too cool for school style, staring daggers into me, talking 'bout, "Fuck that guy!" It makes me laugh because I'm sure she doesn't mean it. I don't know, maybe she does, but seeing anybody look like they just sucked a rotten lemon is hilarious.

I have come to a rut in th road of college. I applied to some schools for next year to see where I am really meant to be and if I am supposed to stick with my major. Until then, I play the waiting game with every hopeful senior about college decisions and life planning. I was offered this awesom internship for the summer but can't take it due to the uncertainty of where I will live or what I can afford to do for the summer or even if I should come back to school in the fall. It's hard when you don't come from money but all of your friends are financially set and are loving life. As of right now, I have plans A-E for every possible scenario of what's going to happen at any moment in the next 2 months. I hate not having a set plan.

I was reading through the Gospel of John for Monday's lecture. I don't usually get emotional reading the Bible out loud, but when I reached the part where Peter says, "Lord, why can't I follow you now?" I just broke down! I think it had to do with watching that one scene from "Son of God" in high school.

I still play Neopets

I think that Kaylee Borms is so cute. I wish I had the courage to talk to her