I should just get an automatic A for even showing up to a class on a day when the weather is this bad.

I was getting all comfortable for a good porn/"relaxation" sesh, when my roommate walks in. Perks of living in a sorority house. When can a girl get a good O?

I wondering if the girls in college library wearing yoga pants are actually going to get up and work out soon, or if they're just waiting for people to look at their ass.

I once told a professor a family member was in the hospital so I could take an exam early and go meet Donald Driver.

I work at Gordon Commons. I attempted to call in sick and was told I'd be punished. I came in for my shift and proceeded to puke multiple times and cough non-stop while handling food. I attempted to keep everything sanitary but I'm sure someone is going to get sick now. Gordon Commons cares about your health so much.

One time at church with my family I was so hungover that I had to leave and spent the entire service throwing up in the bathroom.

There should be a weight limit for yoga pants.

I use my full-ride government check to buy weed and alcohol.