I like movies where the heroes die at the end because they make me feel like I have some purpose for what little time I have left.

ive been sleeping around kind of a lot. lately i just drink and have no standards and get horny and fuck people. the guy last night pulled out and came on the outside of my vagina and i havent showered yet and when i pee i smell semen on me.

I put on a mask when I go out. It's a mask of happiness. I haven't felt truly happy for years now. I've been stuck in this horrible loop for years: People get on my case for not being social, so I try and be social and plan things and talk with people and have fun events, but then everyone always backs out last minute from events or I feel like I've screwed up so I end up becoming more depressed, so I isolate myself, then I get shamed for being anti-social again and so on... I've been to therapy, I've tried medication, I've tried drugs, I've tried alcohol. Everything has been a temporary fix to a permanent problem. Every day I wake up and spend awhile convincing myself to get up; That I'm worth the air I breathe. My roommates know that I like to spend time in my room. They don't know that a large portion of my day is devoted to crying and hating myself. I try to stay positive around others, because if people knew how really depressed I was, then NO ONE would want to be near me, and if that happened I would spiral out of control again. Only one other person knows how depressed I am (not even my family knows) and even they don't know the full extent of it. The sad part is that as soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to go back out there with a smile on my face. :)

One of my roommates is out to dinner with her significant other. Another is showering with hers on the other side of my wall. The other is upstairs with her fling for a "movie night." One of my best friends left town to hang out with her boyfriend's family. Any single friend remaining is either smoking, drinking, or busy with another friend tonight. I'm here, alone, practically every weekend and I'm so bored and irritated with it. I don't even want to date anybody, I just want to meet an interesting, normal fucking guy with something significant to talk about, who won't drop off the face of the planet as soon as he finds a girlfriend, and who won't hit on me like he only has a dick for a brain. OR! Even a girl that won't flake out on all our plans or "forget" about my presence when she hangs out with all our other friends.
I'm not even lonely because I'm just an annoying person or I'm rude or anything. Apparently I'm just "too quiet" for them to hear me when they cut me off in the middle of my sentences or say they're going out to do something fun, and I don't smoke so it's no fun to drag me along while they get high. Everyone else I've met here seems nice, but sometimes I feel so invisible around the ones I've made friends with.

I confess- I haven't had any action since starting school. I want to start a campus orgy or sex club.

that awkward moment when all your friends know which confession is yours just because it sounded like something you would do or say...

#4536 Im a pretty big guy and thinking about showing up to parties and watching everyone just to be sure nobody gets hurt. Im tired of hearing about girls getting assaulted, if I see it happening I will beat the absolute fuck out of the guy. No I wont do that Ill just stop it, call the cops and make sure shes alright. But seriously all you rapist scum better watch out. Just because your victim is blacked out doesn't mean someone else isn't watching and ready to stop you.

#4535 I had so much sex with my girlfriend on Valentines Day weekend that I threw out my lower back and couldn't walk for a few days. #wwusexolympics