#2501 12/2 Over thanksgiving weekend I went to my girlfriends house to have dinner with her family. The dinner was really good and tasted great but soon after dinner my stomach started to rumble. I quickly snuck off to the bathroom where I had horrible diarrhea because of all the greasy foods I had at dinner. Liquid poop flowed out of me and I messed my ass pretty bad. I looked around for toilet paper but the roll was out. I didn't know what to do and all I could see was the nice ornate hand towels. I wiped my ass up with the towels and tried cleaning them but they were stained. I folded them backwards so it wouldn't be obvious and put them back.

#2500 I like to shit, take the shit logs out of the toilet, set them on the counter, and then pretend they're black guys and tickle them like a tickle me elmo while taking a huge whiff of them just like I do to black guys in bed. Sometimes I forget to wash my hands so I cover the smell by dipping my hands in cream cheese or ranch.

#2499 I took my girlfriend over to my grandmas house for thanksgiving. We fucked one night and she came in the room saw us and started screaming. Then she went to her room grabbed a bottle of holy water and started spraying us with it, chanting bible verses, crying, and asked god to forgive us for this detestable act and not condemn us to hell with satan for it. The next day she told us to thank her for saving us and then gave us a 5 hour bible lesson and said she's just glad I wasn't doing it another man or I'd be unsavable... #religion #dafuq

#2498 My senior year of highschool I planted some cocaine in this deuches locker who fucked my sister and broke her heart. After an anonymous tip the cops and drug dogs came and sure enough they found it. He would have been going to a highly rated college and had it made. Instead he was expelled and slapped with a felony. I'm glad he was already 18 because otherwise he might not have been charged as an adult. Fuck you Mikey!

#2497 I have a thing for Jewish girls.I don't know why either just something about the way they look I guess.

#2496 I seriously think my boyfriend is gay. He can barely keep itup with me and rarely seems interested in sex. He's also really guarded when it comes to his phone and computer. makes me think he's hiding something.

#2495 I got shit faced with my best friend and let her eat me out. As awkward as things are between us at the moment, honestly she made me actually cum for the first time in my life and I'd let her do it again.

#2494 I pinch out of my friends sack when they're not looking.