When I walked in my dorm late last night, I saw my roommate's gf's nipples by accident. They were asleep and cuddling, when she sleepily rolled over

My roommate is a selfish bitch and I hate her so much

I pop mollys afterhours. Ima a member of the no sleep team

The bystander effect terrifies me. I am EMT trained but I am terrified that if something bad does happen and people need me to help that I will freeze up and do nothing.

I hate the grammar rule where you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. I routinely change sentences or rewrite entire paragraphs to avoid writing "About what are you talking?". I wish I had the guts to ignore this rule all together since no one else seems to give a shit, but can't handle the image of my potential employers / dates / professors judging me over it. HELP!

when I told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies, what I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

I constantly want to set off an EMP in my living room so my roommates will turn off their shitty music and go the fuck to sleep.

This is for all the guys out there. I just had the best sex of my life (literally so amazing) with a guy with a smaller dick. It's what you do with it that counts ;)