I friended UMD Crush in the hopes that someone would make a post about me and I'd be tagged.

So far nothing.

All that Michael Douglas oral sex cancer thing makes me wanna get myself vaccinated. I am a guy that does not even like pussy. God damn it!

When I shower, I like to use hair conditioner on my leg and pubic hair, so that it is smooth and flowy.

I love it when a girl is athletic and is COORDINATED. It means she can do special things in the sack ;)

Hemorrhoid is a real pain in the ass. How am I supposed to bottom now?

A week out of every month, I have a pain killer addiction

My friend never fails to make any conversation about how much bigger her boobs are than mine, especially around guys. E.g

Me: I'm going running tomorrow
Her: I wish I could run, but my boobs would get in the way. All you'd see is jiggling

I wish there was a way for me to tell her that everyone realizes her D cups are clearly bigger than my B cups without sounding like I'm jealous.

True bro... Working your ass off is kind of pointless. Unfortunately time is infinite so regardless of what you do, you will be forgotten in history. If you want to be somebody for a short period of time, go for it, but just realize it's pointless in the long run. But then again, time is relative, so who gives a fuck.