#4377 I've actually done pretty well for myself thus far. Don't, for a second, think I'm not grateful of where I am in life. That being said; I wish some people would fuck off.
I have ADHD and depression but I still put forth a lot of effort to maintain a good face for the public. Therefore, I don't really mention it. People don't know about it, but give me disapproving looks when they find out I'm on ADHD medication because they think I'm just another cracked-out college student trying to stay ahead of the curve. Maybe that's true. After all, my grades aren't bad. Think what you want. But at the same time it saved my life and I do need them for now, no matter what people say. I was hospitalized 3 times for suicide attempts before going on the medication. Antidepressants only exacerbated my downward spiral, so I switched to the ADHD pills and now I'm doing fine, well except once every blue moon I fall on my ass again (hence this long-winded angry confession). My parents were worried sick about me because they never knew what kind of news would be waiting for them the next day. When I've been really bad, I've tried to physically fight and punch them for no reason and run away in the middle of family trips to really unsafe areas. Therefore, for now, the pills are a necessary evil.
People think I'm making this whole thing up. You think I like the fact that I have to take these pills? I hate myself every day for it. I hate that I'm dependent on them and without them I can barely maintain good graces or live my life; I'm always interrupting people's conversations with something inappropriate, or spacing out in the middle of someone talking to me, or I'm spending time on God knows what and not getting any work done. Do you think it's fun not having control over your actions? Do you think it's fun, always living in fear that you'll lose yet another dear friend because of something stupid you'll say? I know the types of people that take these drugs when they don't need them. They want all the success without making the sacrifices. I fucking hate them and hate any action I perform that makes me like them. Yet, for now I have to take the medication. I'm being monitored by both the Health Center and the Counseling Center, who make sure I stay with the meds.

I want to get off of them someday and live my life like normal. I'm actually hopeful that will happen. I wasn't always like this. The semester that I got straight A's was the semester that I wasn't on any meds at all whatsoever. I did it the old-fashioned way; I made study schedules and stuck to them, generally managing my time well.
Things got really rough in my life after that, but I'm hopeful I reach a point someday where I'll be mature and balanced enough to focus on what really matters in my life and not be distracted by all the juvenille bullshit. Then I won't need these god-awful pills anymore.
This is just something I'm thinking about since it's finals week and everyone around me is in the process of making plans with their local Addy dealer, in need of their 30 mg capsules of their so called "study dust." It just makes me frustrated, that's all. Some of you don't know what it's like to actually have a mental illness. I know college is hard. After all, I'm here, down in the fiery depths with all the rest of you. But this isn't how it has to be done. You don't want to go there, trust me.

#4376 So I am in a faithful relationship with my boyfriend but have always been bicurious. One of my good girlfriends who is experienced came onto me and we kissed then had sex. He thought it was hot at first but now doesn't want it to continue. Her and I are just strictly friends, we would go shopping then come back to her house and make out. We are just two hot girls who were sexually attracted to each other, he sees it as cheating.

#4375 Alot of students here sleep on UMD. For many in-state students it was a safety or all they could afford. Sure it's not Harvard or Yale or whatever, but this school is the best thing that could have ever happened to me at this time in my life. I grew up in a private parochial school system my entire life. While I'm proud of beliefs and how I was raised, I was faced with alot of injustices throughout my K-12 education. In a small church-affiliated school system, everyone knows everyone. You simply can't escape it. Same people, same families, same teachers, same summer programs, etc. It was a very isolated community and within this setting, it's no secret that it comes with hierarchy and power put in the hands of only a few. Certain kids and their families given more privilege because of their parent's position in the church, administrator's covering teacher's asses for illegal activity, racial discrimination and so on. In high school, I was often ridiculed by teachers and students and made to believe that I was never going to make anything of myself. Unfortunately, when you hear it enough, you start to believe it. But I was determined to prove them wrong. Most of the people from my graduating class either went off to 3 different parochial colleges associated with our denomination (these schools accept anyone who can afford the tuition) while me and 2 close friends of mine applied and got into to UMD. I chose not to attend any of these universities because I'd been badly burned from that system, didn't want to encounter the same people again, and I needed to be challenged.

I wasn't prepared for college in any way. I've had my days where I wondered whether I could really handle this school and if it was all a mistake. I've been pushed past my limit and oftentimes called my mother crying at 3AM telling her I wanted to drop out. And this pain was exactly what I needed to grow. Fast forward to today and I'm flourishing. I've gotten opportunities and accomplished things not even I imagined. Most of the people who ridiculed or excluded me growing up ended up nowhere. I was catching up with some old friends the other day and hearing about them and I'm like "Damn, that's all he's/she's up to these days?" "She got pregnant too?", etc. Now these same people are shocked when they see me, are almost embarrassed, or try to befriend me.

I don't say this to boast. I wish everyone the best. But I guess the moral of this long ass post is this: Be good to people. I'm the same kid people teased for being awkward, skinny, slow and not up to whatever other standards they had. I'm sure very few would have guessed I would have been the one that ended up at one of the top universities in the world, doing research under one of the most renowned professors in my discipline, and starting my own successful business.

I don't care who you are or what you've been through. If you work hard and refuse to quit at all costs even through the tiredness, fear, and pain, you WILL succeed. Go out, kick ass, and fight for your dreams!

#4374 I honestly feel like I have no real friends. I feel like there is a difference between people who are polite to you and tolerate you and people who actually like hanging out with you and care about you. I have no one who actually wants to be around me and who wants to listen to the things I have to say. I am also one of the most awkward people ever so it makes it hard for me to make friends/maintain whatever friendships I have managed to make.

#4373 I know everyone writes about how they can't find the guy/girl they want/that is right for them but it is hard! Is it so much to ask for an attractive, smart, nice guy would want an attractive, smart, nice girl and respect and care for her but then when it comes to the bedroom just want to grab her and ravage her all night long? All I want is for that guy to want to take me out for dinner or home to mom but in the back of his mind just want to grab me and take me to bed to fuck the shit out of me and make me a satisfied woman. I suppose that is the definition of a man in my book?

#4372 I'm a girl and I would have sex or suck any guy who expressed interest.

#4371 I'm a simple guy. I don't dream to be rich, powerful or any of those things. I want to find a girl, make her happy, travel, build and create things. All that other competitive bullshit doesn't mean anything to me. Just be. I know that seems to be a waste to a lot of people, but its just me.

#4370 It kinda sucks to be a transfer because everyone is already in their own little friend groupies and it's so hard to like be a part of most groups, since they're so tight knit already :/