Sunday, 16 February 2014 01:44 PM
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#5085 If you're at all taller than me, which is the lofty height of 160 cm, then be a dear and do us short girls all a favour and get the toilet paper from its ridiculous position on top of the light and replace it, won't you? Don't make me have to jump for it, and for god's sake, don't be gross and just decide not to wipe. We see you coming out of the stall with the empty roll and we make a mental note never to touch you or your stuff.
Sunday, 16 February 2014 11:35 AM
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#5084 In terms of whores... I'd say I'm the definition of one.
I grew up in an emotionally traumatizing household. I was taught to not have self-esteem except for in numbers (grades, awards, popularity). I was taught I looked like a pig. Every attempt to assert my will was met with dehumanizing verbal attacks or a simple question "Do you want to be disowned?".
A little less than a decade ago, I was at the bottom of the bottom. I was not permitted to see human beings outside of school (where I had few friends), I was not permitted to wear clothes to stay warm in the house. I was not permitted to close my door or leave my home as those were signs of not loving my parents. They wouldn't even let me get a job... so I couldn't move out (yes they said they'd disown me if I got a job).
Despite the guilt I experienced from years of abuse, I knew that I would kill myself if I didn't get out. I'd already tried to rack up the courage several times, but the fear of failing and being more helpless stopped me. I didn't have many friends, which back then I was embarrassed about, but looking back I didn't blame myself for. I didn't know the simplest thing about being mindful of others or asserting my self-respect (which I didn't have) on others and getting them to think I'm likeable. But while I was not included in social circles, most people thought I was genuine and sweet. Just strange.
It occurred to me through the influence of a boyfriend I managed to find at a summer camp (which I was allowed to attend because it would help me get into college), it occurred to me that sex keeps men around.
I had no sense of self-respect or a "personal space bubble", so it wasn't strange to me at all to let a guy do whatever with my body. So began my longgggggg chain of boyfriends or just boys who'd pick me up in the middle of the night, hook up with me, and then show me stuff I'd never really been allowed to try before like alcohol, video games, pool, music, movies. I began to realize that I had trouble connecting with people because I didn't have hobbies. I started to develop them. I seem to naturally know how to please men. I know how to bring out the best in them, and it's not fake. I really like the guys I have sex with. But I didn't really know what I "deserved" or what I should be "waiting for".
6 years later, I've slept with over 40 men, and vowed love to about half of them. I really meant it. I'd never been loved properly before, so it's a light word to throw around. I wouldn't sleep with most of those men if I met them today. Many of the early ones were negligent, disloyal, not genuine, and really didn't care all that much for me. The past few, however, didn't know my history when they met me, and when they found out... felt pity and sympathy as opposed to dislike. They know I'm genuine. They know I don't use guys, and they can see that I'm capable of being reserved, loyal, and supportive of one man.
They questioned my habits and urged me to respect myself more. The same context that I used to use simply to get away dissociate from emotional abuse led me to the life teachers I was supposed to find in my parents. I do respect myself more now, and it naturally makes me not want to have sex with 99% of the men I meet. I think penises are pretty gross actually and they can only become ungross by me liking the man enough. I think that my relationship with some of these guys was extremely unconventional. They were half parents and half lovers. They wanted to see me both as their girl that they might spend their last hours with, and also as someone they wanted to raise regardless of whether I ended up theirs or not.
It was confusing, and I couldn't keep any of them going, but I appreciate everything they've taught me to find in myself. It's not too hard to find who you are if you start from a blank slate, but when you start from a slate that has "fat pig, stupid, worthless" engraved into it, sometimes these relationships that are frowned upon can really help you erase them.
I don't think that a woman that sleeps with lots of men weekly is attractive... if I were a guy I would not be with her. But I don't think history says everything about a woman. Many of my friends know my past, and still love me and are happy when I, in my new and improved, independent self, meet guys I feel I could share my life with. I didn't tell anyone I'm writing this, but if they read it, they'll know it's me. My friends (boys and girls I've never had sex with) love me and sometimes cry with me when I share with them how happy I've become.
Another note. Luckily, I am clean. But if I were to have a little girl, I'd do anything to prevent her from living like I did for the reason of diseases.
I don't have the right to tell you how to judge people, but please if you read this far... think twice before you talk about whores. You don't know why they are the way they are, and you don't seem to know that a "whore" is really just a girl who makes a certain type of decision based on what she knows of the world, and she can change. You don't seem to know that, but I do. I hope you believe me.