Saturday, 31 May 2014 02:28 PM
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#8269 I started crushing on one of my League friends, who I got to know from one of my best friends from high school. He's nice to me, and sweet and helping me with my game skills. I feel like we have pretty decent chemistry, but... I mean I'm not sure if I'm 100% attracted with him physically. On the other hand, I've never actually dated anyone before so there's that going on too...
Saturday, 31 May 2014 12:36 PM
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#8266 I've never actually gone into detail about this with anyone, so here it is to, my rape experiences.
Preface: I am a male. Legally I cannot be raped, only sexually assaulted. I define rape as any forced sexual contact. I am also bisexual and I lean more towards women.
Rape 1: A group of friends and I were heading to a party. In the car was my future assailant. Let's call him WO. WO was very much into me and chose from the get go that he wanted me and no one else could have me. He made this abundantly clear both verbally and physically. I have issues with being able to say no or turn people down, having been rejected so much in life and wanting to grant everyone an equal opportunity with me. He kept fondling me, kissing my neck, arms and face, grabbing my head and pulling me in for powerful tongue action. At first I felt flattered that someone would be so into me. His persistence and aggressiveness was a turn off though so repeatedly I told him, "later...not now" and many times straight up "no". We get to the party and people are half naked, drunk and making out with each other. I made my own drink and started drinking it. WO comes over with 3 parts vodka 1 part soda and tells me to drink it. I sip it (it's really strong). He says, "drink it, drink it" tipping the cup upwards and watching me swallow it down in a matter of seconds. Quickly I am intoxicated. He makes out with me, I'm drunk, it's fun. But I told him, "come back later, I want to make out with other people". He grudgingly says "ok". I make out with 2 people and he grabs me away from the second one with a bottle of something, puts it in my mouth and pours it down my throat. I get about 3 big gulps before I can't take any more. He continues to make out with me. I said, "I don't know, I don't feel good". He grabs me and makes out anyway. At this point, I am so drunk I can barely stand. He grabs my hand and takes me outside. He brings me over to the corner of the house in the shadows and pulls down my pants. He says, "I'm gonna suck your dick, okay?" I honestly cannot remember much after that. I ended up throwing up the rest of the evening, blacking out on the floor in the house and waking up with my first ever hang over, feeling sick and drunk. People kept asking me if I was alright for the next week. I didn't want to get him in trouble so I said everything was fine. After a few weeks though, I started having nightmares of feeling trapped, unable to run, scream, or move. The next two parties like that, he tried to doing the same thing again, but I more sternly was able to say no. People come up and hug me all the time. I'm used to that. He would repeatedly sneak up on me and grab me, grope me, pet me. Finally I sat in the corner of the room (same house, 3rd party,) so he couldn't sneak up to me. He sat directly in front of me. I knew he was waiting for the right moment to grope me again and sure enough he lifted his hand when my head was turned and tried to cop a feel. I burst out shouting, "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME". WO finally left me alone, but on several instances I would run into him on campus and had to bear seeing him each time. I never reported him because I didn't want to deal with that on top of school. I feel bad because I heard he did the same thing to many other people.
Rape 2: Different party, next semester, I met WB. I got pretty drunk by myself. My house was only a block away so I figured I'd go home and crash. The party ended up getting busted by the cops and me and WB went to my house. He said this girl was coming, whom I had made out with earlier and was hoping to make out with again. She didn't show. He asked me if he could blow me. I said yes. I was too drunk to get hard, and wasn't attracted to him, but it felt good so I didn't mind. He asked if he could rim me. Again I said yes, and it was fine. Then without warning he stuck his finger in my ass. It was unlubed so it really hurt. I said "ow, stop". But he didn't. I repeatedly said, "please stop" but was too drunk to physically stop him or move. I figure he thought I would enjoy it because I enjoyed the other stuff. Eventually he stopped and left. My ass was torn and bleeding for the next two weeks.
Having said all of this, I want to make a few points. In the first case, I could have said no more sternly. It worked for the next two parties and could have prevented the rest of that night from happening. He is a predator though and a serial rapist and should receive full blame for what he did. I do accept that I could have done something about it and didn't because of my overly trusting nature. I am responsible in part for what happened to me (not making a general statement but referring to my specific instance). For the second one, I physically couldn't do anything, but I think he just got carried away. WB's intentions, I do not believe, were bad.
I don't like in these rape/feminism arguments that people shut up the second I mention my rapes. What happened to me were two isolated incidents. Your argument is no less valuable because I have the pathos. I am a victim, yes, but I urge people to argue for the sake of learning. Also, what happened to me doesn't even compare to things that have happened to others. But again, that shouldn't negate the logical discourse of my arguments either. I encourage people to argue, because that creates room for discovery. Don't go into an argument assuming you must be correct. Always leave open the possibility for discovery. Otherwise, we're just ranting for the sake of ranting. And that accomplishes very little.