#8397 I've posted on reddit's gonewild sub a few times and I've gotten really positive responses for my pictures, and yet I still can't bring myself to be confident with my body inside or outside the bedroom. What should I do?

#8396 No matter how much time has passed and how little we actually talk (for the better, honestly), you will somehow always be a big part of me. It terrifies me and I hate it all. I hate how I can still feel my heart skip a beat like when we were together. I hate how I can still feel anything remotely close to what I felt so strongly three years ago.

As I listen to Envy On The Coast, and many other bands I showed you, I sense familiarity and sickness in the depths of my heart. I've spent so much time and energy learnin how to shut you out because I spent way too long fighting to keep you in. I can't forget any of it because of how much I let you break me. All of the ripple effects that to this very day I am still trying to recover.

I never felt such darkness, such pain, in all of my life. I loved you. ... I'm afraid I still do. And I know I was significantly younger in the sense that I've matured and grown up so much since my first semester of college. But, almost nothing changes in the sense that my heart recognizes you. It beats with such familiarity and adoration, yet it shivers and cowers because of the scars that you've left behind when you chose to be with him.

No time will erase that pain. And lately, hating it all at once, I've had curious thoughts as to what it would have been like if we lasted this long. Where would I have been? Where would we be? Would I have stayed at UMD? Would I have traveled hundreds of miles with you? Would I be graduating next year instead of stumbling STILL as I try my damnedest to recover what's left of my academic career?

I'm not nearly as pathetic as I was two years ago when my test anxiety murdered every exam; when the hours I've fought studying to no avail because the following day I wouldn't remember a goddamn thing; when I felt myself trapped below the surface of the water, unable to break the barrier and taste the air in my lungs; when my heart externalized and materialized into every fear I ever had coming into remission. I hated it all. And I hated you through anger, and loved you desperately through pain. But I'm not that sad anymore. In my growth and newborn happiness, I'm so deeply reminded of just who you were to me.

It's like a dream, and a recent memory all at the same time. How is it that once ago I loved with all of me, and me by you, and now we're practically strangers with time only separating the "then" and "now"? I recognize that we were much younger, naive, simply only experiencing the bliss of actual love; but I don't understand how with me 21 now, I can still feel the impact you had on me.

And I think... Maybe it's because I haven't been in love again... I don't want to love exactly the same way as I loved you; because that love was specific to you. But, I wish to love so intensely like that again. Too much of me, my essence, is gone since that painful September, I hope more than anything my capability to be in love is not forever lost. I have many years to live and I remind myself that, god willing, I have time to love like that again. Just like I have time to learn more about myself and the world around me.

Do you ever think about me? The way I catch myself thinking about you? Or are you truly that happy with him? Are you truly in love with him the way you couldn't be with me?

I am at the point where I can't even conceive the notion of having a future with you, for too much has happened that I doubt anything good of it. Logically, I'm against it. But that nagging, tiny, buried part of me still aches for you. All of you.

I've deliberately forgotten all of the things I loved so much about you. Your laugh, your smile... Your eyes.... The way you would sometimes sing me to sleep... And how many nights I would sing you to sleep and couldn't imagine doing anything else in the world. I remember loving these things, but, like a child at an aquarium, seeing his/her favorite creature on the other side of the glass, I only get a glimpse emotionally of what I loved in you. I've blocked it out so the pain would stop, so I could move on. And I've made a lot of progress. But, you're still there. And I'm at the point where I'm not even sure if you're supposed to be or if this dorment part of me is refusing to let you and what we were go.

It almost feels like what we were is unfinished business for a soul who left the physical world too soon. I feel incomplete in that sense. We never had a proper end; just silence, bitterness, a lot more silence, and then a casual "whatever" we are. I can't say you're just a friend. I can't say we're friends; just merely on good terms. You'll always be my ex. The one who cheated and left me. The one who lied and broke me. The one I fought tooth and nail for just for nothing but brokenness in more ways than one. But you'll also always be the one who broke me out of my shell. Who tore all of my walls down. Who proved to me that all of my doubts were false. The one who was the ultimate "first" for everything. The one I loved more than myself. And the one who encouraged me to LOVE myself. The one who showed me for the very first time what it's like to BE loved. You'll always be my FIRST. TRUE BY DEFINITION. LOVE. And I can't let it go. "I can't hide, I can't change the evident."

I feel foolish for searching our old conversations on Skype. I feel pathetic for wanting to recall what I once lived. Do I wish to feel the negative feelings I once lived with, all over again? After all of this effort? I'm not sure. But, I do want to remember so I remind myself that it was, indeed, a happy time for me.

"No, I'm not afraid. At least not to die. I'm afraid to live and not remember why."

You are engraved in my heart and my mind. I acknowledge that now. And so, I hope that by relenting in these thoughts I will continue to grow more.

#8395 I am number 238 on waitlist for housing....anyone have experience with the waitlist. And are my chances of getting housing legit. Cause I feel like ResLife is stringing me along.

#8394 Every load my girl friend swallows she get a Good Girl Token.
for 100 tokens she get to lick my butt hole.

#8393 I hate feet. My feet are almost always clean (except for when I'm frolicking through fields of grass barefoot), but I even hate having my feet close to other people. When people touch my feet, I cringe. When I touch other people's feet on accident, I get restless until I can wash my hands. I'm not sure why, but they freak me out so much! Not even picking up my dog's poop when I walk him does as much.

#8392 I'm getting tired of my insecure girlfriend. I have given her my undivided attention and even given up my friends for her! I'm starting to feel like I no longer want to be with her.

#8391 Im not a very social person but Im trying to talk to people more. Since I dont usually have time to hang out with friends, I try and message them on facebook. I know they go on facebook because either they 1)like something on facebook or 2)they see my message (I know this because facebook shows the "seen")
Like, I hate that so much. I know they talk to others on facebook because sometimes they mention it in school so why dont you spend 2 minutes to reply to something like, 1) what are you taking next semester or 2)how are you? Is that too hard to answer?
Im not asking for a paragraph when I ask "How are you?"
Im getting fed up with all of this. No more wasting time with you guys. I will just assume Im not your real friend I guess.

#8390 Guy with his hands over his face: "that was the best blow job of my life"

Me with semen above my lips: "Got milk?"