#27630 I got married to someone whom I loved one sidedly since I was 19. Back then he had a girlfriend so I never let him know how I feel. He was the reason I could never get into any relationship because I couldn't get over him. We met again when I was 24 and eventually got married. Unfortunately, it ended up in a mutual divorce a few days ago. The reason was simple: he never loved me in all those years. I always told him that since the wedding day, but he was in a strong denial. Finally, he admitted that he never loved me recently and we got seperated. He left my life by killing my emotions in every single way. I do not blame him. I do not love him anymore either. I just feel emotionless and numb.

#27629 Pulled an IU today. Had to poop after I showered. Sorry fam.

#27632 I'm an international student, and listening to President Trump today genuinely makes me scared to be in the US. What if some unhinged white supremacist bastard has one drink too many and since he thinks I don't belong, decides to shoot me, coz this is Trumps America? That's happened, and his latest comments are going to empower these people!

#27628 I wish I could go back in history and change history in certain areas. 1 being World War 1. Give the Germans strategies that had already worked for them in the original timeline, give them the M1 Garand and manufacturing manual and of course their own MG34/42 and maybe manuals to manufacture the Flak 88. Give them a far better edge to fight against the french as the war was still anyones game up to 1918. I would also push the US to back the Germans instead of the british french and russians. That was a minor possibility since at the time German was the 2nd most common language. Of course I would make to kill Hitler.

Another scenario would be back to during the time of napolean. Prevent him from invading Russia in the winter, give them improved ship designs before the war so that they have a state of the art navy. Give them the ability to really give the British a run for their money. Also provide machines to rifle the barrels of their firearms since it still wasnt common and to give them the tech to make the fully self contained bullet instead of powder and ball of the old muzzle loaded muskets. The French at this time were extremely ahead of their time when it comes to law and civil rights. They had laws protecting animals from abuse even!

I love thinking about this stuff and looking at military actions where a few small changes could drastically change how things turned out. Just give one side a few things to give them the leg up and accelerate timelines a bit just to see what would happen.

#27627 I was a way better writer when I wasn't on antidepressants. I don't know how to express myself when I don't have the crippling sorrows fueling my words. Sometimes I rather be a ill slump of negativity than a functional human being, just so my writing sounds more human rather than a formulaic word robot.
The problem is that I write to please people and my posts get more likes when I brew them from a pot of self-pity. My internet self enjoys bring popular but in reality I just become more disgusting. Then I take my meds and become a normal person, but I have trouble connecting with my normal self, which prompts another cycle of stopping my meds. I realize that this is bad, that I identify more with my depressed self, yet time and time again I play with this fire.
Do I want to sound like Catullus or Siri? I think the choice is clear.

The situation seems analogous to substance abuse and I'm not sure how to break it

#27625 School hasn't even started yet and I had a dream where I couldn't get a 20 page paper done in time, while thinking if the professor would give me an extension. (This is mostly a run on sentence, sorry.)

#27626 I consider myself gender fluid, but I wish I could control when I'm M or F. I'm so scared I'll become female in a public men's restroom. At least in a women's room I know I'll be in a stall where I can stay until I change back.

#27624 In response to #27615 I'd like to say that you are not alone. It requires a lot of perseverance and it is very difficult as an " international undergraduate student ". I am guessing your time is running out soon. So I'd strongly suggest that you start looking at the following options:

1) Looking to get a Masters Degree
2) Networking with people from your own country to see if anyone has got a job and how they got it.
3) Relatives / friends who might be in high positions in companies
4) Start looking at options outside the US too

Lastly not to push you down, but if you have been following the News lately in the US then you'd know that it is not very easy to find a job here as an international. Maybe the current government has not passed any bill yet to limit immigration, but has certainly created the fear in companies that is restricting them from hiring internationals.