#28141 I dont want to keep pushing forward anymore, it hurts too much. I have been working nonstop for several years, pushing myself too far and too hard. I am in constant pain and I am tired. I dont have anyone in my family or friends that understand. They have no idea what to do to help because they dont understand what I am going through and then yell at me when they ask what I want them to do. I dont know. I am trying to reach my personal goals because I am constantly told by those around me that it's fine if I dont accomplish much and just lead as normal a life as possible despite it be literally impossible because of what I deal with. I push myself to the point that I am literally screaming in pain and then using the anger from the pain to push forward even more. I would give anything to stop pushing forward so hard but if I do I know I wont be able to reach that point of pushing myself so hard ever again. I keep pushing myself so hard that I alienate all those around me and those around dont try to fight back against it to remain close to me. I either keep pushing and die from the effort or stop and give up and never do anything with my life. I need someone to be behind me, ready to catch me when I collapse and to help me back up but no one seems concerned enough to want to be there for me and thats fine. I dont want anyone to even bother to try if they arent going to be there for it all.

At the same time though I just want to stop. I want to go out on my terms. It's too painful to keep going and I have put in more than enough effort, gone through more than enough pain, and experienced more than most. Ive put in the time and effort. I just want to stop yet I cant. I wish I had someone to just be there. Dont bother with suggesting CAPS, they are a waste of time as they are right now plus I would rather not deal with a wanna be therapist.

#28140 Wowwww trashy people dressing up as hurricanes for breakfast club. You realize people died?

#28139 I'm not certain, but I think my depression is ruining my relationship. One time I tried telling my boyfriend my thoughts, and he told me.. "wow, that's dark. You're crazy." I felt judged, and ever since then whenever I get depressed I can't open up to him so instead I push him away and ignore him to cope with it by myself. We moved in together in August.. and yes, I have told him about the fear of being judged I developed. Like, I don't know how to fix me. Lol

#28138 Omg, 28092, I saw him too at the squat racks Sunday evening. His power level definitely was not over 9000, though.

#28137 Jenny from Food Science (I think), "met" you in Jake's last night. You talked to me in French after I told you I was from South America lol. Hope everything went well for you haha

#28136 Where should I get an apartment for next year? My S.O. and I are planning on getting a place together, but have no clue where to look. Would appreciate recommendations of affordable places in West Lafayette. Thanks!

#28135 Confession: I think this country has more important things to worry about than some people not standing for a flag. Let's deal with the orange we have in office first.

#28134 I hate how my crush, after recently becoming single, just decides to find another guy and start dating him instead. She thinks it's all chill, but it hurts so fucking much.