#12001 Hey you.. you watched me do something stupid and now you stopped talking to me, eventually deleted and blocked me.
First we stopped talking, then you deleted me.. then later, way later you blocked me.

.. Can you at the least tell me why you cut me off from everything? I just don't see how what I did involves you.

Es chistoso como se pueden cambiar las cosas con el tiempo.

#11992 I was dumped by my boyfriend. We had dated since the first few weeks of school last year (we're going to be sophomores). I have not experienced Purdue without him and I'm terrified of how it might be without him. We have the same friends and we're living in the same building. It's going to be so hard.

Then again... I'm single and soooo ready to get out there.

#11991 I have really shitty friends and feel like they only put up with me cause they pity me, but I know I couldn't make any other friends so I stick with them. Cause I guess fake friends is better than none? or at least thats what i tell myself.

#11989 Every time I go to buy condoms, i get overwhelmed by all of the choices. It literally takes me at least 20-30 minutes to decide most times. Not sure whether to laugh or be embarrassed. I guess I'll choose the former, lol

#11988 Not a confession, but i'm watching Harry Potter and just want to note something. who the heck picks who the order of the sorting hat? Hermine Granger, Draco Malfoy, Samantha Bean, Ron Weasley, and then Harry Potter? weird

#11987 Am I allowed to feel bad? He took advantage, but I let him.

I've had many sexual partners, but my rule is NO PENETRATION whatsoever. All of my past sexual partners respected that, and we'd have a good time. I was with a regular f.buddy of mine (he's 42 and I have a thing for daddies). I had expressed 10 minutes earlier how we're not gonna go all the way. But he was on top, I was on my stomach, and we were missing around, and there was lube in all the right places. I wasn't looking but after a minute or so it wasn't his finger that was in anymore. I felt it going in and at that point my stomach dropped and I hid my face in the pillows. I immediately went "this is the end of me." I couldn't say anything and it felt amazing and disgusting and good and deadly all at the same time. Lord knows I wanted it so bad but I've waited because of so many things. I've been struggling with my religion for the longest time but I still felt like I was condemned to hell after what he did. I wanted the right person to take my virginity away. At that point I was overcome by lust and shame, and my tendency to let things go and not upset people. This was unexpected and so he was not wearing a condom. He did his thing for a while, didn't take him long, and finished inside me. In my head it was "I'm either going to hell when I die, or I'm suffering AIDS for the rest of my life," not sure which one I deserved more. He told me he was clean and I rushed to PUSH the next day and I'm getting all the approriate tests. But am I allowed to feel violated? Everytime I remember how it felt going in, my stomach drops, and I feel a combination of lust and self-hate. Even as I am writing this I'm getting a little horny. I waited for valid reasons, I wanted to be in control for when I decide someone is worth ME. I wanted it to be MY WAY, to be safe, careful, passionate, for it to feel good all throughout. Why did he decide it was ok for him to take that irreversible step? Every 30 minutes or so, wherever I'm at, I get a flash back of that day, and I hate myself even more. I KNOW he took advantage, I know, but I still feel like I put myself in that situation and maybe I deserved it. I feel like a hypocrite, I did exactly the opposite of what I always advocated for.

Before that I was already suffering insomnia and battling depression. I write this as I slip into depression for the a couple of days like I usually do. At the moment, the only thing I'm thankful for is being alive.

A catastrophe beyond repair.

#11986 Those guys that play Humans vs. Zombies can get it ;)

#11985 I have a dream of eradicating all the humans on this earth who are of no worth. Our resources are limited and they are only holding us back. Its for the greater good. The problem is determining who is worthy.