Friday, 18 April 2014 02:19 AM
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If you're having sex loud enough to wake me up out of my slumber at 3 am, you've probably woken up all of mountain view. Be a little more discreet. Fix the squeaking in your bed you filthy animals.
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:25 AM
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Girls be like: "I only got 50 likes on my selfie when I usually get 123 omfg I'm so ugly :'("
Me: "who literally gives a fucking shit"
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:22 AM
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I wonder if all the white women right now are crying because they can't check their tumblr and instagram because heartbleed stole their passwords lmao
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:20 AM
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Blowed my load on my homies mom's face. Shit, I wonder if he's going to get pissed that I'm fucking his mom.
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:18 AM
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I want to stick my balls into a microwave Like Stan's dad did in that one south park episode
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:16 AM
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I hate having erections in the middle of class, going to church or meeting my gf's parents.I one time got a random boner at my grandma's funeral.
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:14 AM
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Saw a poll test on what women and men think is the "perfect woman" & a woman prefers having a boyish figure with small hips and small breasts, while a man is all about wide hips and titties.
Friday, 18 April 2014 12:12 AM
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going to put my dick in a warm bagel and have sex with it