My ex cheated on me. I left, last month we started hooking up again for just sex. He stills talks and has sex with the other woman. I just can't get enough of him now that I can't have him. But at the same time I want to destroy him! He hurt me, but it's like it doesn't even matter when his dick is hard and in front of me.

I was walking my dog once and she came to a bush, went halfway into it and pulled out a baby rabbit. I watched her kill it because i was too baked to do anything. All i could think was "wow, this is some National Geographic shit!"

To my neighbor (in sterling pointe apartments), I totally heard and saw you dildo-ing the ever living shit out of yourself from the parking lot. Use your blinds missy.

I moved to another country 6 months ago for work; in 2 months my girlfriend will be leaving her job and apartment and moving here to move in with me. She doesn't know that i know about her cheating. I plan to leave her stranded at the airport in a country whose language she doesn't speak.

I once burped in a girl's vagina while eating her out, she didn't notice. My breath smelled like bagel bites.

I finger myself in the ass everyday... and i'm a chef...

I'm a straight man but i enjoy watching batman masturbate in front of my neighbor's sprinklers at 3:32 am on every third Tuesday of the month.

While i was doing the Disney College Program I managed to get one of the "Princesses" to give me head while we were watching Lion King, I came to the beat of "Hakuna Matata".