my Asian classmates always wave to me with their hands really high, like almost above their head, and I always go in for a high five and look like an idiot.

Like if you'd give me a hug.. not just any hug.. but a real genuine one..
The state I'm in right now.. I'd take a hug from anyone :'(

Picked up this girl I met on tinder today. First time I met her and got a blowie in the jeep. I gently fingered her puckered raisin(did not enter just rubbed). Smelled like death. Scratched and sniffed mine being as I just showered and it didn't smell any better. Are butts made to stink? I used to eat my exes ass out the shower and it tasted fine

i order delivery every time it rains just to be a dick.

Sometimes I just want to lie in bed, half naked, and watch Netflix for hours. But noooo...Damn roommates killing my vibe.

HOLY MOTHER NATURE!! I literally, NAY, I legitimately shit my underwear last night. I have never seen lightning this close before. The thunder was very loud and very scary. I can't wait to experience that again!

As a guy, I think that men with perfectly toned bodies are nice to look at too, but I'm beginning to realize that having a little bit of squish isn't bad. Gives a lady something to fall asleep on that isn't a rock.

I honestly don't know of a single time I've seen my roommate when he hasn't been stoned or cross faded.