I'm having sex with the NAU football couch

My nightmare came true. I farted hard and loud during sex. Worst of all it was during climax so the fart noise went right along with my "waves of pleasure". Im pretty sure he will never speak to me again. :(

So I never really cared much about dating and sex, although I know that a lot of people care about these things a lot. Then I find myself interested on what my friends tell me about their experiences on Tinder and so I got the app and started experimenting. As of now, I am debating whether to create a profile on Ashley Madison or not, I think this just escalated for me.

I have a question for all the Trump supporters out there: Can you tell me exactly what makes you think we can trust that man any more than any other politician that has ever run for president? I realize he is self-funded. I realize he has a lot more freedom to say whatever he wants than any other politician. I realize he has a very dominant personality. But do you people really think that automatically means he's being more honest? When are you people going to realize that politicians will say WHATEVER people want to hear in order get into the oval office? When are you going to realize that making promises that they KNOW they won't be able to keep doesn't matter? All that matters at the end of the day is getting into the White House and becoming a part of history. Period. It's a pattern that has literally been recurring for decades, but for some reason it’s a pattern that Americans refuse—or are too dumb—to see every election. But you people think that because he isn’t a "traditional politician” it means he isn’t fundamentally exactly the same? That he isn’t just as determined to be president, just as dishonest, and just as willing to do whatever it takes as any other politician running for office? The only difference between him and other politicians is that he can get away with saying more. But the notion that he isn’t manipulating the American people just like any other politician is ridiculous. The only things Trump has really managed to do so far is act egregiously belligerent, increase tension between America and the Middle East, propose illegal and abominable foreign policy tactics, promote civilian violence, increase racial tension, discriminate people based on religion, and further infuriate and divide the American people—and the man isn’t even president yet. But you people actually believe this man is going to “make America great again”. Well let me tell you something: What people say about themselves does not matter; people will say anything. Look at what they have done; deeds do not lie.

I have a confession... I offer last minute essay writing help. It sucks when writing centers are closed. Do you need someone to do proofreading, and grammar checks the night before your paper is due? Have one due tomorrow? I'll check it right now! Like if you support last minute proofreading!

I just need a friend..

Last year my best friend and I decided to go to Havasu for spring break. It was the first time we had both been single at the same time. So we got new matching bikinis and went. Our first night there we went to a party on the beach, and this guy from her old lifegaurding job was there. So she flirted with him the whole night..... But it was weird because he kept wanting to dance with me. Anyways we went back to our hotel room and drunkenly decided we all needed a shower. So all three of us got in the shower. They pretty much started to hook up right there. But after a few minutes of me minding my own business he picked me up and carried me to the bed, she came running after us. And you can guess what happened next. I haven't talked to her or him since...

So me and girlfriend fell asleep at her parents house, and they wake up around 7 to shower and stuff, but there is only one bathroom in the house. Her dad is in there showering, and I had to piss so bad it felt like I was going to explode. What do I do? I found a 3/4 empty glass of wine, and just released my piss into it. However, my girlfriend started to wake up, and I quickly had to put the wine bottle down. It gets much worse, her mom walked in and noticed the bottle on the floor, proceeded to take a sip, and said "Oh, that tastes funny, how could this wine go bad? That doesn't make any sense". I wanted to burst out laughing and cry at the same time.