#22178 Plot Twist: All of these confessions are by the teachers.

#22177 Can we all just stop with the nice guy syndrome shit? It gets old listening to the same ol' misogynists and feminists (you know who you are, we all do) spewing the same exact shit post after post. Waaaah, she friendzoned me! Waaaah, he doesn't want to be friends with me after I ripped his heart out and shoved it down his throat! NO ONE CARES. If you have a problem with someone's nice guy behavior, then either tell him in person or shut the fuck up. This isn't Heartless Bitches International (where that shit came from).

Now can we please get back to the drunken shenanigans, sob stories, and posts about how big of a shit you took that everyone knows and loves? Please and thank you.

#22176 Me: [goes to take a piss]
Toilet: I have a boyfriend.

#22175 Pretty girls wearing red lipstick have a vicious effect on me. It's like every part of my brain shuts down except for the part that says incredibly stupid things and the part that is aware I'm saying incredibly stupid things.

#22174 Me: You do realize your security is a joke, right? It would be so easy for me to steal all of these paintings.
Her: Sir, this is a second grade art show.

#22173 I just realized that when I'm trying to find my phone in my bed before I get up, I make the same exact motions as I do when I'm making a snow angel.

#22172 Me: [Pretends to throw ball.]
Dog: [Runs to chase it.]
Me: Hah! Stupid dog!
Dog: [Continues running, disappears over horizon.]
Me: WTF?
Dog: [Tackles me from behind.]

#22171 I'm pretty sure my fake plants died simply because I never pretended to water them.