#22867 Just saw that Gatorade ad from the mid 90s featuring MJ and the catchy little tune "If I could be like Mike". I fucking love that commercial. Best mood I've been in all week.

#22866 Let's make a deal here, ladies. We'll stop using the word "moist" if you stop using the word "yummy".

#22865 So what we get drunk?
So what we smoke weed?
We’re just having fun!
We don’t care who sees!
So what we go out?
That’s how it's supposed to be!
Living young and wild and free!

#22864 First floor of Langford is full of idiots who set off the fire alarms all the time

#22863 All the love you need is within yourself. Don't rely on it coming from elsewhere. Nobody is gonna love you until you can love yourself. Don't complain anonymously on the internet. Take that time you're currently wasting and use it to become someone you admire.

#22862 I just want a girl who doesn't twist her Oreos apart when she eats them. Is that too much to ask?

#22861 Hey MSUC, I have a very serious problem. I’m fucking crying because of how stupid I am.
Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured “cool, I’ll just play Pokemon while I wait”.
So I’m playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she’s crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.
A shiny pidgey. Holy shit. (For those of you who don’t know/care, shiny Pokemon have less than a 1/1,000 chance of appearing; 1/8192 to be exact.). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling “holy shit, YES”, interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell “You don’t even fucking care! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING GAME!” I’m still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my shiny Pidgey, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and my shiny Pidgey, gone forever.
I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn’t know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out “FUCK YOU”, and runs out of my house in tears.
What have I done? I’ve fucked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don’t want a game of Pokemon to be responsible for ruining my best relationship ever. Help me, MSUC.

#22860 I mixed up two paper assignments and turned in one page when it was supposed to be 3-4 pages. Through some miracle I got a 65% I turned in 1/4 of a paper! I'm surprised he even accepted it!