#13518 This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for Officer Darren Wilson being acquitted by a grand jury for shooting another black guy. This will be the best Thanksgiving in a long time!

#13517 I still watch Spongebob Squarepants.

#13516 Today, I saw an advertisement from a renaissance faire troupe calling for jousters. I'm not quite in shape for that, but now I have a solid reason for why I should go to the gym.

"Why are you lifting?"

"To be healthy, you?"

"To fucking joust."

#13515 Dear intolerant Muslims, gay marriage isn't going to negatively affect you, so don't make this about you being persecuted or anything. In 50 years, people will look on you guys as the assholes of history, because you are. Using the BS excuse that your religion is somehow oppressed by gay people being able to be married is a bunch of malarkey and you just want to live in a world where people still don't have all of their rights. Also, if you are one of those people, I don't want to be friends with you, because every person deserves their basic rights, whether they be a member of the LBGT community, or a different race than you, easy as that.

#13514 I have nothing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, because I don't think my life is where it should be.

#13513 I haven't had a period now in 7 weeks; what could this mean? No, I'm not on birth control, and no, I haven't had sex lately. And I don't think I'm about to have immaculate conception.

#13512 Kardashians > Nickelback

#13511 To the underwater knitter and basket weaver: I hope you find that party you were looking for and thank you for making my adult bookstore trip awesome. Keep it classy not trashy ;)