#13662 Study tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.

#13661 I've been putting 2 drops of purell in my fish's bowl each day to see how strong he is.

#13660 My girlfriend is in love with someone else. She doesn't know that I know, and it's killing me inside. I just want her to want me more.

#13659 Had to shave my ass today.. That shit was looking like Fangorn forest. I'm pretty sure Treebeard and the hobbits were about to come walking outta that bitch.

#13658 I have super sensitive skin, more than most people realize. I can get bruises from sitting in a hard seat for to long or by crossing my legs. Then the other day I was talking to my mom and she mentioned at one point how she'd have to change my diapers immediately when I was a baby and make sure I was spotless or I'd get a terrible rash. She was like "It's good you grew out of that." and I agreed. But I didn't. I am OCD about cleaning my ass or I'll start bleeding. I hate it but can't be like "Oh doctor, help me, my ass bleeds."

#13657 My roommate is such a fucking bitch. Every time I see her I think of ways to kill her. Then today I had this lightbulb go off in my head... I AM GOING TO FUCK HER BOYFRIEND. I sent him a text and he texted me back and we have been texting all night. When it happens she will get a video of it. That's a promise. Don't mess with the wrong bitch.

#13656 They need to legalize marijuana asap!! i can't wait! People don't understand that marijuana is not as bad as everyone thinks it is. It is better than drinking alcohol!

#13655 Well.... I work at a restaurant and if you show up there with 10 or more people without a reservation, I probably have spit in your food. Call, pre order your food, something because if you don't, everyone there is going to hate you. You can ask and they will lie for better tips but they hate you.