I can't wait to go back to school this year! My goal this year is to make some new friends outside of my social circle. Anyone interested? haha.

I know I have gained weight over this summer and honestly I have been avoiding pictures until recently for that same reason. I saw a picture of myself and I was like "Lord have mercy." It has inspired me to workout more than anything ever has in my life.

I know where all of you live. And I am not joking about this either I have access to your home addresses.

When I was 13, I pooped in my grandma's cat's litter box. My family was wondering why the cat made that big of a poop, so we took him to the vet, and they said he had feline HIV. So, in a way, I helped the cat.

Don't know why the football players are getting so much hate, because I am seriously excited for us to have a football team. Has anyone ever been to a football game? It's so fun to watch the sport and cheer your boys on, plus it's a great social place to be with friends, eat food, and get into school spirit. I can't wait for football season!

Can't wait to break the lifestyle contract when I return.

My mother used to tell me to never let people see you hurt and sad, especially not to let a guy see, because then you weren't an attractive gal. I'm terribly afraid of my boyfriend getting fed up with my depression, or looking at me and seeing someone unattractive and a bother. Nobody is going to want to be around you if you show how sad you are is what she'd tell me. I work so hard to hide my depression. I'm afraid of being annoying. I'm afraid of being the downer. I'm afraid I'll lose the few friends I have if I really spoke about how dead I feel inside most of the time... Or if I finally really tell someone about how much I've been thinking of suicide... You see, I lose both ways. Either I open up and be the downer that everyone is annoyed by even more than probably already are. Or, I keep hiding it and slowly keep dying inside emotionally and wasting my insides away on pain meds to numb my feelings. Nobody even cares anyway. Does anyone really care? Is there someone out there who won't shame me for how I feel and won't tell me cliches? Who won't get annoyed with me for finally venting out my feelings? Or leave me in a desperate hour with a "goodnight" after I've said "I need you"? Is there somebody out there who won't just say: "It's going to be okay" because I'm not fucking okay and I'm so tired of acting like I am.

I think the music from the clock tower should be replaced with a rap song! I can just imagine someone walking across the quad and their song comes on...all of a sudden they break out in the dougie or cat-daddy. :)