#1199 To the guy in the dunsany manor parking lot in the white car (perhaps a civic) trying to get out onto main street, I didn't realize my fly was down. I didn't intend for you to see my penis. Also take into account it was cold today.

#1198 I love having a girl treat me like shit in the bed. Ever since moving here no girl can do that :(

#1196 My 8 year old cousin has more followers on Twitter than I do.

#1197 The girl across the hall from me was "rearranging" the furniture in her dorm too many times so I called in a noise complaint. She found out and told me I was a little fat gaming troll who couldn't get any. Needless to say later that week I played the sex scene in God of War III at full blast with one of my friends in the room. We jumped on the bed and kept redoing the same scene, then we emerged from my room and I gave him a kiss... She was so creeped out that she moved her ass and her boy toys down the hall!

#1195 I'm sick of putting time and effort into relationships. Every time I have something promising with a guy, I get shit on. Latest excuse? No time. Don't tell me how much you like me and want to be with me and then use that cop out. Swearing off relationships, get at me alcohol.

#1194 For ever hot girl I see in the gym. I picture all the different ways we would have sex. And if she's got a big ass, I think about her twerking on my dick. Is this bad?

#1193 Sporking-spooning with morning wood.

#1192 There is nothing worse than a good witty joke that takes some deep thought and planning, ruined by someone who is an idiot and takes the sarcastic tones in a literal sense. Even worse when that person starts an argument with you because they misunderstood the joke. I confess, I once killed a man for this.