Hooked up with a girl that had a boyfriend last night #thesehoesain'tloyal

Didn't have time to shave before work last night. slept over at his house afterwards, and he ate me out anyways.
#keeper

I drugged my roomate with melatonin mixed in a shot so she would go to sleep and my friends and I wouldn't have to hang out with her. It worked.

I went to a preview day at UWM this past spring and met a really hot dorky guy and I plan on joining the Quidditch team just to make sure I see him again.

"One drunken night two friends and I decided to flip a car on Cramer Street. Why? Because that's the risk you take when you buy a fucking Smart Car."

"Friday night some friends and i were driving when one of them says "dude i think i'm gonna shit my pants" after running several red lights we found a gas station. He sprinted in the door, pushed people out of the way and after 15 minutes he final came back out. He didn't quite make it to the bathroom. He had to ditch his boxers and in his words "got a little poo on his jeans". I made him hang his ass out the window for the rest of the car ride. Needless to say, we will not be returning to white castle."

"I smoked hella Js inside Downer Woods last year... then i would hit up klotsche and ball"

"I don't go to UWM, or college for that matter. Sometimes I sneak in classes with my girlfriend and act like I know what they are talking about. It's one of my hobbies actually."