I hold the door open at Sutherland for girls with big boobs because when they run to catch the door I like to see their titties bounce

i want a gay bmb boyfriend

I think the basketball team is super hot. Who else agrees with me?

I think I'm incapable of love. It's not that I'm not a loving person- I genuinely care about people. But I don't think I can ever give a part of myself away again.. and that scares me.

To the guys on floor 3 of Putnam who seem unable to flush a toilet after taking care of business: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you that I have no money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills: skills I have acquired over a very long career that make me a nightmare for people like you.

If you begin to start acting like adults and take care of your waste, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I WILL find you. And I will give you a chocolate swirly.

I'm all alone..in my huge room..on a Saturday night.....cool

What is with the fucking personal sex ads blowing up the confessions page?! This isn't craigslist. And can you say lazy? Go out and find someone to be your fuck buddy. Clearly this must be your first year at UWEC. Stay classy.

I own a horse head mask and I like to wear it while I drive to scare little kids. Is that weird?