I normally unfriend people on their birthdays because that is the only time they show up on my homepage.

Can’t tell my roommate his girlfriends moans are fake, because I make her really moan when he’s at work.

I’m anxious af right now. It’s 12:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Also just got my wisdom teeth pulled so I can’t have them bomb Ernest and Gerbert sammiches at Davies fricking rip. Also I’m hungry af but am too tired and afraid to walk out by myself. I also come to the bitter realization that I’ll probs never date anyone rip. Also I can’t use tinder because I got banned from it for changing my profile to be Ricardo Milos. Rip but also not mad.

Embarrassing confession incoming. I will admit that in high school, I was sort of a bully. There was this girl I picked on constantly, though we eventually became friends (somehow).

About four years ago, I came back to my hometown and we met to catch up. She very casually mentioned that she was practicing wrestling now (pro and olympic). I was a wrestling fan growing up, so I jokingly suggested we should have a match to see if she could beat me now. I wasn't expecting her to accept, but she did.

So yea she beat me. I out weighed her by like 50 pounds and was taller but it didnt matter. I took her lightly at first, but when I realized she was actually tough I started actually trying. Didn't make a diff. She put me in all these embarassing positions for like 3 mins till she pretty nonchalantly decided to end it. She never told anyone, which is nice lol I guess... :( Never felt so humiliated in my damn life. I was also sort of obviously turned on by the end of it but she also didnt say anything, thank god.

That was a permanent bruise to my ego. I'm not that big of a wimp I swear, Ive been in fights and stuff, she just knew exactly what she was doing. Seriously don't underestimate girls lol, you may regret it.

The school's service learning requirement might just be an excuse for 5 people to have a $20 an hour job with great benefits with the sole resposibility of checking emails. On the other hand I learned a lot from picking up trash.

Twice have had college students use the, "my grandma is sick," excuse to get out of field trips. You really think I believe that? Of course I know you just want to lay in bed all morning. Come up with a better excuse!! "My grandma is sick," is as basic and lame as, "dog ate my homework." Be better.

Patriotism in this country is a joke. It used to mean something after 9/11 but has since turned into a dick measuring contest to see who could out do the other.

"Oh you painted your truck red white and blue well I stole the american flag from Perkins and put it on the back of my ultra high lifted truck, that'll show you."

"I'll share 'remember 9/11' on Facebook for each and every vicitm because it's not about me it's about them, but dont forgets about me tho"

"Maybe if I buy 7 of these 'FUCK ISIS' shirts people will think I beat up terrorists and validate me!"

It's so obvious you want attention and have found a good front to get some from people just as dumb as you. Happy Memorial Day to actual patriots out there, not these pathetic jokes.

I don't tip when I go out to eat. Please comment about how shitty of a person I am when I'm unwilling to pay someone for literally 2 minutes of actual work that I would do myself. Not my fault I can't go grab my food/drink from the kitchen, so not my fault they don't get a tip. They can take money out of the overpriced meal I paid for to cover their salary. Best thing is I love trying new places to eat so I'll never get that waitress again!